Camping Trip
by Bellatrix wannabe 89
Summary: Tucker decides to take Noah and Olivia camping for the fourth of July. Just them relaxing in the woods while Tucker works up the courage to propose to the woman he loves. Yup, Tucker is sure nothing can go wrong... Except for the fact they run into her old partner who's still harboring feelings for Olivia. That could put a little damper on things... Tuckson/EO
1. Chapter 1

I own no one but my own people

Olivia Margaret Benson had tackled the most violent psychopathic sociopaths that Manhattan had thrown at her. She looked the devil himself in the eye a fair number of times and came out the other side triumphant.

How then, with her history at showing up at deaths doorstop to personally mock him, was a $50 tent getting the upper hand of her?

"Ya know," she sighed as she struggled to get the metal ring hooked onto the pole, "they rent cabins here. Wouldn't that be easier?"

"It would," Tucker admitted as he stacked the firewood they had bought into a neat orderly pile, both of them keeping one eye on Noah who was busy blowing bubbles. "But then it wouldn't be camping."

Tucker had convinced Olivia that instead of the usual rooftop BBQ and Macys fireworks she had done the past two Fourth of Julys she had with Noah to go camping upstate.

Olivia, who had never once even went into an outdoors store her entire life, shut down the idea as quickly as Tucker had brought it up. The way she saw it, people evolved to live in houses and apartments. The only people who slept outside didn't have a choice. There was dirt and bugs, no showers, no electric... there was no logical reason why someone would want to spend a night outside on the cold hard ground.

But then Noah, with a pouty quivering lip and his big gray green eyes, had gone 'please Mommy', the two words the Detective had yet to figure out how to say no to. So it was with a grumble that she finally agreed to take up her boyfriends offer to go camping and two weeks and an expensive trip to 'Big Joes Outdoor and Sportsman Store' later she Tucker and Noah were three hours away from their beloved city in the smallest town Olivia had ever set eyes on.

But, not that she would ever admit this to Tucker, she knew every time she saw Noah's face light up with excitement every time he talked about what he was going to do while they were camping would make everything she would go through worth it.

Tucker wiped his brow as he finished stacking the firewood and went over to where Olivia was still struggling with the tent, quickly bending over and doing what she had struggled to do for the past three minutes in three seconds.

"Showoff," she said as he finished hooking up the other three poles. He just stood up and smirked at her. She went over to him and draped her arms around her neck, unable to help the smile when he wrapped his powerful arms around her and brought her tight against him.

"We're gonna have a good time" he told her, gently swaying her.

"We could have just as good a time in a cabin. With our own bedroom... and not sharing a tent with a three year old," she told him with a slight smirk.

"How about I make you a deal?" said Tucker. "We all share the tent for the week, and then when we get back to the city I rent us a hotel room and the two of us make up for lost time?"

Olivia's smile grew before she pressed closer to him. "Oh yeah? And uh... What exactly does making up for lost time entail?"

"You'll see," he told her with a smirk before capturing her lips in a soft kiss.

Olivia let out a soft moan before she pulled away from him. "I think Ill take that deal."

"Thought so."

Another quick kiss between the couple before Olivia spoke. "I am going to go find a bathroom and shower close by. I'll sleep in the tent but I refuse to go without bathing for a week."

He watched her walk away for a moment, taking a second to admire his girlfriend in tight-ish shorts before he went back to getting the camp site ready.

Tucker didn't remember a single summer that wasn't spent every other week as a kid with his dad in various sites in and around NY camping. His father was a New York City firefighter while his mother was a stay at home mother meaning his small family didn't have a lot of money for vacations like the other kids in his school that went to amusement parks or expensive hotels in expensive cities. But an old patched second hand tent two sleeping bags a cooler full of food and drinks and a couple of fishing poles brought the young Ed Tucker more joy and happiness as a kid then he could have ever imagined.

That's why he suggested the idea of camping to Olivia. He wanted to bring that same joy to Noah that his own father had brought to him.

Also, there was a more romantic reason for wanting to bring Olivia from all the stress and bustle of the city and into the quiet woods of small town.

Tucker had planned to propose in Paris, right in front of the Eiffel Tower after a romantic dinner... The proposal every little girl dreams of, or so he thought. However the night he was supposed to ask her to spend the rest of their lies together, another guy standing not even three feet away from him had the exact same idea, taking away the romance of the moment.

Then afterwards when they were back in the hotel room Olivia confessed to him that, even though it was romantic, she thought of a proposal in front of the Eiffel Tower was a little bit unoriginal, that it was something every other romantic movie set in Paris did.

Olivia told him she didn't want a 'movie proposal'. She wanted something sweet and intimate, not being asked in front of hundreds of strangers where the same thing had been asked of hundreds of girls.

So he decide to scrap that idea entirely, instead choosing to ask her when they were alone with only the light from the fire and the stars around them after spending several days proving to her that he didn't just want to be her husband but also a father to Noah as well.

Just as Tucker started to unload the sleeping bags from the trunk, another truck pulled into the site next to their and he let out a soft groan. There was ten other free sites available all around them, these people HAD to set up right beside them?

He just shook his head as he set up the two adult sized sleeping bags and the child sized Batman sleeping bag inside the tent along with the pillows. When he climbed out of the small tent he glanced back over at the newcomers and his eyes went wide with shock as the driver climbed out of the truck and shut the door behind him.

Tucker swallowed hard as his eyes quickly looked over the man who would be staying beside him for the next week, making doubly sure the person was who he thought he was.

The mans short bristly brown hair had receded some since he last saw him and a well maintained beard now adorned his face but there was no mistaking the baby blue eyes Tucker had looked into far too many times when he interrogated the former police officer.

Elliot Stabler was now standing not even fifteen feet from Ed Tucker and his ex partners son...

Elliot turned to go to the trunk of the truck when his eyes fell on the former IAB agent and his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Lieutenant Tucker?" he asked, not quite sure of what his own eyes were showing him.

Tucker cleared his throat and took a deep breath as he walked over to the man, his heart pounding hard against his chest.

Olivia told him that she hadn't seen her once best friend in six years nor had he ever contacted her despite her numerous attempts to contact him. He never asked her but he always thought the two of them had been romantic together, at minimum they had sex once or twice at most a real loving relationship but even when he was IAB and Olivia was nothing more than a pain in the ass, as long as their relationship didn't get in the way of the integrity of the jobs, he never asked.

Now that he was dating her and, hopefully, soon to be her fiancee, he didn't want to ask simply because he didn't want to know. He saw the way her eyes lit up in old photo of the two of them, heard the absolute heartbreak in her voice when she spoke about him now... He had read the statement from her first encounter with William Lewis where he had mocked her for thinking about Elliot in the absolute worst moment of her life...

Tucker knew Olivia loved him, there wasn't a single doubt in his mind about that. He just wasn't sure if she had loved Elliot much less ever stopped loving her old partner...

Tucker cleared his throat as he reached the former cop, his hand outstretched as a means of peace. Elliot looked at it like it was snake before he slowly reached out and shook it, blue eyes looking into blue.

"Oh wow, it really is you," said Elliot as he gave his former foe a once over. "It's been a long time."

"Yeah it has," Tucker answered, as neutral as he could make his voice. "How you been, Stabler?"

Elliot shrugged as he shoved his hands into the pocket of his jacket. "Pretty good... Retirements been treating me as good. Working private security to keep busy."

Tucker nodded, not particularly keen on reminding Elliot that it was his report that said see a therapist after the shooting or put in your papers that led to the retirement. "Good. That's good... So are you here with your family?"

"Just my youngest," Elliot said, not adding on any more information than that. Tucker nodded again, trying not to notice the lack of a wedding ring on his hand... "You?"

"I'm here with my girlfriend and her son," he said, leaving out the fact that his girlfriend was the woman Elliot had worked side by side with for twelve years. "He's right over there," Tucker added, nodding towards the young toddler who was too busy playing with his trucks to notice the two adults.

Elliot narrowed his eyes in what could have been disgust. "Your girlfriend has a kid that young? How old is she?"

Tucker felt that old familiar annoyance at the blue eyed sex crimes detective bubbling up once again. "She just turned fifty in January," Tucker told him, trying his damnedest not to sound short with him. "She adopted."

Elliot nodded, the disgust in his face falling somewhat. "I get it. Sorry."

Tucker said nothing and just nodded to the truck where his nine year old was getting out the supplies form the trunk of the truck. "Ya know Stabler there's a lot of different sites you could choose, more open. You sure you wanna go to this one?"

"Considering this is my reserved site every summer for the past four years, I'm pretty sure," Elliot told him with a bit of a bite. "If you want though I can help pack up your stuff, help you find another spot. It won't be as nice as the area here but..."

"Nah, I mean we got her a few hours ago, we were already here... This site suit me just fine."

Elliot and Tucker stared one another down for a moment before Tucker cleared his throat and took a step back from the old Detective. "I should get back to setting up the site."

"Yeah and I gotta get mine set up as well," Elliot told him. "Guess I'll see you around."

"Guess you will."

Without another word Tucker turned and walked away, biting his lip out of nervousness. How the hell was he going to break this news to Olivia that the man she had worked with for twelve years and haven't seen in half a dozen was now going to be sleeping ten feet from them.

Before any type of plan could cement in his mind he saw her walking down the path towards him with that smile he loved seeing on her face.

All of a sudden holding his ground about staying here wasn't all important to him. He just wanted to get her away before she saw him

"There is a surprisingly clean bathroom and shower just on top of the hill," she announced with sigh of relief. "Meaning I won't have to be smokey and dirty for seven days straight."

"That's great, Liv, but I'm thinking we should move down a few sites. Wanna go down and tell the groundskeepers?"

Olivia furrowed her brow in confusion. The spot they choose had the perfect mount of shade, was the second largest site on the campground, the largest was the one directly next to them which was reserved for someone else who came up from the city to vacation, it had a bank next to the river where Tucker could teach Noah how to fish, it was close to a volleyball court as well as a it was close to the bathroom and the showers... Tucker had practically jumped up and down when he discovered this site was free to use.

"But you said this was the best site on the grounds."

"I know but the guy that reserved it showed up and it just kinda ruins it. Wouldn't you rather be somewhere private?"

Olivia shrugged. "It's a big enough site, we don't even have to talk to them."

"I know but-."

"We're here, we're all set up, we're not moving."

Tucker sighed, giving it one last go. "I know but we have neighbors now and-."

"Ed, baby please stop, it'll be fine. Besides they might be nice, we should go over and introduce ourselves."

Tucker opened his mouth to protest but before he could she walked past him to pick up Noah and made their way over to the site where Elliot had his back turned to her getting out his camping supplies.

"Hi, we're your camping Neighbors. I'm Olivia," she greeted with a welcoming smile.

Elliot froze where he his, his face still hidden from her view. He would know that voice from anywhere, despite not hearing it for six years.

"We came up from Manhattan," she continued but taking a step back as she did, the mans demeanor making her hair stand up a little bit. "And you guys?"

The former detective took a deep breath before he turned to look at her, only able to speak two words when he finally saw her.

"Hi, Olivia."

She simply stood there frozen, her eyes wide, unable to move or speak or even blink as she looked upon the man who had been her everything for twelve years.

As Elliot waited for her to speak, a realization dawned on him. Tucker, IAB rat Ed Tucker, was here with his girlfriend and her son and he was staying right beside them. Olivia just came over with the same boy Tucker pointed out saying she was his neighbor which could only mean...

This was going to be a very very long camping trip for the three of them.

Please Review


	2. Chapter 2

I own no one but my own people

A/N 28 reviews holy shit! I was not expecting that kinda love for this story lol. Thank you so much for the love like for real. Also it's about a 50/50 split on Tucker and Elliot which I love when its love triangle fics so thank you or being diverse in your opinions. Now on with the show! Err... fic!

Olivia stood frozen in front of the man she hadn't seen in six years. Her brown eyes were wide and in shock as a million thoughts raced through her mind all at once, running too fast for her to be able to hold onto one and speak it.

When he first left he missed him more than words could describe. Not only had he left her as a work partner but he left her as a best friend, as the person who knew more about her than anyone else, who she had even shared her bed with when things had gone south with Kathy at one time.

The brown eye detective thought that finally... FINALY he was returning the feelings she had harbored for him for years. She had spent years wishing that he would leave his wife, that he would tell her how much he loved her, how much he meant to her, tell her he knew just as well as she did that she was the woman he was suppose to be with.

But then the next morning he told her that he wasn't 'ready for a new relationship'. That if she wanted to stop 'whatever this was' he called it, he was fine with it but if not then he appreciated what she was offering him.

She knew she should have thrown him to the curb after reminding him that she wasn't just some sex toy he could pull out of the drawer when he was feeling lonely and had it been any other man she would have told him that and then some. But as it always was with Elliot Stabler, she couldn't refuse him. So she told him, with a smile she thought for sure he would have caught on as fake, that it was fine with her and she was there for him however he needed...

The two partners had sex a dozen or so more times, each time leaving Olivia feeling deeper and deeper in love with him while at the same time hating herself more and more for being used like this. Elliot however just thought of it as a best friend helping the other through his divorce and if that help included sex then so be it.

She knew he wasn't to blame, that if she told him the truth about how she felt, he would have stopped immediately, no if ands or buts. But she loved him, and as irresponsible as it was she felt for sure if she just put up with this for a little while longer, surely he would start to see her as more than a friend.

But then he came in one day smiling, telling her that he and Kathy were talking again, that she wanted to get the family back together and she had to force a smile to her face and tell her she was happy for him.

She couldn't remember crying as hard as she did that night when she went home alone...

Then he had left. No note, no phone call, no nothing. She had to hear from their boss that he wasn't returning to work. He was her best friend, he everything, the person she would have jumped in front of a bullet for no questions asked.

She had loved him. More than she had loved anyone else and he had hurt her more than anyone ever had.

Slowly she got over her loss, treating Nick Amaro, looking at Amaro more as a friend than as 'Elliot replacement'. She had met and started falling for not one but two separate people, she thought life was finally going her way and Elliot Stabler would just fade away to a memory.

Then William Lewis walked into her life and all that was shattered. Olivia wanted nothing more than for Elliot to be there for her, to make the man who had tortured her life hell, to do everything Lewis had done to her a hundred times over and a hundred times more brutal. She spent the next few months convincing herself she was happy with Brian when really all she wanted was Elliot there to tell her everything was gonna be alright.

But he never showed. Even after all the media coverage, the trial, her public confession... not even a text message asking if she was alright. Hell even Trevor Langan had asked her how she was doing after Lewis, but not a single solitary word from Elliot Stabler.

Then Ed Tucker had entered her life not as the man who wanted to take her job but as the man she had grown to love and finally, after all this time, she was genuinely happy with her life and Elliot had faded away to just a memory again.

But now that had shattered, and she had no idea what was about to unfold now that he was here.

Elliot slowly approached her and Noah, who had buried his face into Olivia's shoulder, not knowing anything about the man walking towards him and his mother apart from the fact that he was obviously upsetting the person holding him.

"It's been a long time," he said, unable to take his baby blue eyes off of the woman he had loved far to long too count.

Tucker stood back away from the two ex partners, his own blue eyes flickering back and fourth between the two of them. He didn't want to interfere in their reunion, he knew Olivia could handle herself. But something she had told Tucker that stuck so strongly with him was that when he was around, she felt like she didn't have to be the strong one, she didn't have to be the powerful person in the relationship because of how strong he was. He knew whatever life threw at her she could manage alone without help but he loved that she didn't have to anymore because she trusted him enough to take care of her.

But now, with her partner standing a foot away from her, the partner she had ALWAYS made sure to appear strong and unwavering and, what he was sure was he favorite word 'fine' in front of , he wasn't sure what to do. Would she be grateful he rescued her from him or would she be mad that he had made her appear weak and unable to fight her own battles?

So for now, Tucker stood back and kept a close eye on the pair of them. Because she had her back turned to him he couldn't see Olivia's reaction to him but he was terrified of what he saw in Elliot's face. What he saw... was the same kind of look that Tucker himself looked at her with...

When Olivia didn't speak, Elliot tried again.

"I-... I missed you, Liv. A lot actually," he added with a sad chuckle as he rubbed the back of his neck.

That got her attention.

Olivia snapped out of the trance she had been in and narrowed her eyes at the man standing in front of her, setting down Noah who grabbed hold of her leg and buried hid behind it. "You... You what?"

"I missed you," he repeated. "I thought about you every day when I first left the squ-."

She didn't give him the chance to finish.

Olivia reared back and slapped him across the face as hard as she could, sending him stumbling back a few steps.

She reared back to hit him again when she felt someone grab her hand and another arm wrap around her to keep her from lunging at him.

"Liv, don't!" said Tucker as she fought to get out of his grasp to go after him.

"You do not get to talk about how much you missed me, you pathetic bastard!" she yelled out, struggling against Tuckers ironclad hold.

Neither of the three adults noticed the passenger side door of Elliot's truck wrench open and a terrified looking nine year old with striking blue eyes and short blonde hair jumped out.

"Dad!" the kid yelled, finally drawing their eyes over to him as he ran towards Elliot.

"Get back in the car, Eli!" Elliot told him, holding his face where a bright red mark in the shape of Olivia's hand now resided.

Seeing Elis terrified face as he looked up at the woman who had helped deliver him but could no longer remember, Olivia swallowed hard and wrench out of Tuckers grasp throwing icy daggers at Elliot but was no longer trying to get at him.

"Lets go, Ed," she spat before she grabbed Noah's hand and stormed off to her own site which to be honest wasn't that far of a storm.

"We're going home," she barked as she quickly folded up the folding chairs that were centered around the fire pit. "Start packing up."

"No, Mama, stay!" Noah cried, his eyes wide with shock, never before seeing his mother this upset about something in front of him.

"Go get your backpack and hand it to Ed to put in the truck," Olivia told the toddler, referring to the small backpack of toys they had taken with them, throwing the chairs in the back of the truck rather roughly and making Tucker wince. Those weren't cheap chairs nor was it a cheap truck they had rented...

"No!" he told her again, this time as tears started to stream down his face. "I wanna camp, Mama!"

"Liv, maybe we can just move sites," offered Tucker softly as Liv tossed the bedding out of the tent. "It's a large enough area, we probably won't run into him again if we move far enough away."

The harsh glare she shot at him was enough to shut down that idea.

"Mama, please!" Noah tried again, making Olivia sigh and rub her temple.

"Noah, do not do this, not right now."

"I wanna stay!" the toddler yelled as he stomped his foot.

"Noah!" Olivia barked, slapping her hands together to get his attention. "Stop it NOW!"

The young toddler stood there stunned. Noah was typically a very well behaved child, but like all kids he threw the occasional tantrum and Olivia always responded with a firm but calm voice and had never actually yelled at him like she had just done.

So, he did the only thing he could do when confronted with his mothers anger; cry and run over to Tucker.

"Baby, I'm sorry," Olivia told him, any anger she had with the toddler fading just as quick as it came, her voice a complete 180 from what it had been moments ago as she realized what she did. "Mommy didn't mean to yell."

Tucker picked the crying toddler and gently rubbed his back trying to calm him down, looking over apologeticly at Liv, hating Elliot for frustrating her that much that she had actually yelled at her son.

Meanwhile Elliot watched the scene unfold in front of him, swallowing hard.

He had no idea what kind of mother Liv was but he knew if yelling at her son was a normal thing she wouldn't have looked as bad as she did right then nor would she have immediately apologized to the young boy. He didn't want to make her that frustrated to the point a three year old suffered so instead he cleared his throat and turned towards Eli who was still staring wide eyed at his father, never once seeing someone hit him much less hit him and get away with it.

"Eli, buddy why don't we postpone the camping trip for next weekend?" he asked the nine year old.

"What? No, Dad you promised we could go this week!"

"I know but I think next week will be better."

"Next week is Mary Garcia's birthday party at the Bronx zoo!" Eli told him. "And you have to work all next week!"

Elliot sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Fine, then how about we move sites?"

"But this is our site!" the nine year old whined. "We come here every year, we don't have to move just because some crazy lady hit you! Make them move!"

"Eli-."

"No!"

Olivia turned away from trying to console Noah, who was now refusing to look at her, towards Eli and Elliot and bit her lip as she watched the nine year old quickly wipe away tears as his father tried to explain to him that his vacation was being cut short.

She truly did love the Stabler children. That was true when they worked together and it was true now, even if Eli didn't recognize her. Not to mention it wasn't fair to a nine year old boy that he needed to have his vacation end just because their camping trip happened to overlap with hers.

So the brunette Lieutenant took a deep breath and walked over to them, her voice not as cold as it had been not exactly friendly and welcoming either.

"Don't ruin Elis vacation just because of me," she told him, making the young boy look up t her confused.

"How do you know my name?" he asked her, understandably weary of the woman who had slapped his father.

"I used to work with your dad," she told him. "Before he... before he left the police force."

"Oh... I take it you two didn't get along?"

Olivia turned her attention away from Eli to glare at Elliot. "We were best friends."

Elliot shifted guiltily where he stood but held his ground. "Look, it'll be easier for everyone if I just left."

"Dad, come on!" Eli whined again. "It's not fair, I don't wanna go!"

"Don't leave," Olivia told him again. "Alright we'll go, its not that big a deal, and you can both go back to pretending I was never apart of your life."

Elliot's heart broke into pieces at her icy words but at the same time a surge of anger quickly flashed through him. She had no idea how hard it was for him after he left. He was ashamed with himself for what he had done, he hated himself... If it wasn't for his own kids he would have hung himself just to end the guilt he felt after he killed that girl.

He couldn't face her. Not after what he did, he knew she would hate him for what happened, just like he hated himself.

So he ignored her, ignored her calls, ignored her texts, her emails, even when she showed up at his house to speak to him... And it broke his heart every single time he did.

Elliot loved her. He was a fool to not realize it until after he was out of his life but he had. But by then it was too late.

Eventually her calls stopped, her text stopped coming, and OBenson at NYPD . Gov stopped showing up in his in box, except the less he heard from her, the more he wanted her back in his life...

"Mama, no!" Noah cried from Tuckers arms. "Stay here!"

Tucker bit his lip for a moment before he walked over to the two former partners and stood beside Olivia. "If we leave, Noah will be upset. If they leave, his kid will be upset," he told the two of them as he looked between them. "I know neither of you want that so how about instead of someone leaving you two just... ignore one another? For the kids sake?"

"Well I know Elliot can definitely do that," Olivia told him and he narrowed his eyes at her. He was getting a little tired of her little comments.

"Trust me, I have no problem ignoring a traitor who's screwing the man who almost had both of us arrested," he fired back with an icy glare.

"How dare you," she spat. "That is not how this is going to work, Elliot, you do NOT get to have ANY thought on my personal life or comment on who I'm dating anymore!" she yelled, making Noah cry harder.

"Liv, stop, you're upsetting your kid," Elliot told her. "He obviously doesn't like you yelling."

Olivia clenched her hands into a fist and took a deep breath before she spoke, her voice a lot calmer than before.

"You stay on your side," she told him, keeping her voice as calm as she could, "and I'll stay on mine."

"Fine by me," Elliot told her with a shrug.

"One more thing..." She leaned in so close he could almost feel her breath on his lips, her voice low and deadly. "Don't you EVER, and I mean EVER! Tell me how to parent my son or so help me God, Elliot, I will crush you."

Without another word she turned back towards her site and Tucker, after a brief glare towards him, followed suit with Noah.

Please Review.


	3. Chapter 3

I own no one but my own people

While Tuckers advice of ignore one another was easy to do on the surface, in reality it was quite easily the hardest thing the three cops had ever done in their careers.

For the first hour or so things seemed to go smoothly. Elliot was too busy making his camp to talk to her and Olivia was doing everything in her power to prove to Noah how sorry she was for yelling at him earlier by letting him have an ice cream bar before dinner, snuggling with him, and even so far as to get down in the dirt to play trucks with him.

Elliot had looked over at that point and couldn't help the chuckle as he saw his ex partner grimace as she sat down on the wet dirty ground to play with her son and wiping the dirt from her skin every other second. Olivia Benson was many things but outdoorsy was definitely not one of them.

Tucker meanwhile was doing anything he could to stay busy so he wouldn't have to think about the fact the person he was sure his girlfriend had been in love with at one point was going to be sleeping ten feet away from her for the next week. He re-stacked the firewood, remade the inside of the tent, double checked the suitcase to make sure the ring he was going to give her was still there, and by the time he was done it was nearing nightfall.

Olivia was sitting in a chair next to the fire pit with Noah in her lap as she read him a story while Elliot had just begun to start his fire for his and Elis dinner.

The former IAB Captain carried over two rather large bundles of firewood in one trip, unable to help the smirk when he saw Olivia eying him the same way he looked at her when she wore tight jeans. She liked her men physically strong and when Tucker had a chance to showoff for her, he took it.

"So you still want steak for the first night?" asked Tucker as he began to arrange the wood into a pyramid.

"It's up to you, I have no idea what to do when it comes to cooing over an open flame," Olivia admitted. "You are the chef for the next week."

"You're admitting you don't know how to do something? Now that is a rare first."

Olivia just threw him a playful glare that he couldn't help but chuckle at as he started the fire.

"Ya know I may not be able to build an actual fire but I know how to heat things up in other ways," she told him, smirking at him as he turned to look at her.

"And uh... what exactly do you mean by that?" he ashed as he walked over and knelled down in front of her placing a hand on her upper thigh.

"You'll see," she told him, repeating the earlier flirt he had used.

"You are a tease, Olivia Margaret Benson," he told her, the low timber of his voice sending a pleasant shudder through her as he leaned in to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in closer, letting out a soft moan as he ran his tongue over hers, giving his bottom lip a slight suck as he pulled away from her.

Neither of them noticed the glare Elliot threw at them as Tucker rested his forehead against hers, gently stroking her hair.

"I'm gonna get some water for dinner tonight," he told her but unwilling to move from his current spot, running his fingers through her silky strands of hair.

"We have enough water," she breathed before she leaned in and kissed him again.

Tucker savored the feel of her lips on is for a moment before he pulled away.

"We won't have anything besides steak for dinner."

"I can live with that."

He chuckled before he stood up from the ground, unable to help the smile as Olivia looked up from her spot and pouted at him.

"Don't take too long?"

"I'll be back, I promise."

With those words Tucker dug the large pot out of the plastic bin of miscellaneous supplies and started the trek towards the water pump.

Olivia sighed happily as she leaned back in her chair, letting the warmth of the growing campfire wash over her, the sounds of nature surrounding her and bringing her a peace she had no idea was possible.

"So how long has that been going on?"

And just as quickly that peace was gone.

She opened one eye and glared over at Elliot who was pulling up one of his own camping chairs to come sit beside her.

"Don't you have your own site to go sit in?" she asked rather harshly as he sat down beside her. "We're supposed to be ignoring one another."

"Come on, Liv... We were friends for twelve years. Can't you at least try to talk to me?"

"You're right we were friends for twelve years.. and you haven't spoken a single word to me in half that," she shot back.

"That wasn't my fault," he argued, being met with a roll of her eyes.

"Then whose fault is it?" she demanded. "Because I tried to contact you in EVERY way I could think of, I even showed up at your house Elliot and Kathy told me that you didn't wanna see me. Now all of a sudden you think you have right to ask me questions about my relationship before telling me that it wasn't your fault that you ignored me? Go to hell, Elliot."

"Look I'm not getting into that with you right now. I just... I miss knowing everything about you, Liv. Alright and I wanna know the new things about your life, about you, about your son, about... whatever the hell this thing is with Tucker and how long it's been happening."

"Okay you realize that the actual point of ignoring one another is ignoring the other person right? That means not talking to them."

Elliot narrowed his eyes at her for a moment and shook his head. "Fine. You would rather be pissy then have a chance to reconnect with your best friend because it's what that rat suggested, be my guest."

Olivia bit her lip and looked down at the ground beneath her. So it was when they worked together and so it was now, she hated him being mad at her. Even when she knew he was in the wrong it left her with a guilt she couldn't quite explain.

So, kicking herself for not continuing to ignore him, she spoke up.

"I'm sorry," she muttered without looking at him, half hoping he hadn't heard it. "It's just been so long..."

"Yeah it has," Elliot sighed as he came back over and sat down beside her.

The two sat in an uncomfortable silence, something that was more than foreign to the two ex partners, for a long time before he finally spoke again.

"So...?"

"So what?"

"So how long have you and the rat been together?"

Olivia rolled her eyes to the darkening sky, not even partway amused by what he was saying. "Will you stop calling him that?"

A shrug was his answer. "That's what we used to call him all the time. Ya know when he arrested you, accused me of being a pedophile..."

"Okay 1) if some kid came to you and said this award winning kind gentle sweet teacher touched me, would you have just ignored it because you know he's a 'good guy' who works with kids? And 2) would you not arrest and interrogate someone who had their DNA on the murder weapon, front end damage to their car, and a partial plate match on a 911 call?"

A silent glare gave her all the answers she needed.

"Exactly."

This time it was Elliot's turn to roll his eyes. "So because you decided he was just doing his duty by interrogating an accusing good cops of crimes just because he couldn't hack it as a real cop-."

"That's not why he joined IAB," she interrupted sharply narrowing her eyes at the former SVU detective.

Tuckers ex wife Carrie was a fellow cop in the precinct where Tucker worked. Not only had she slept with his partner who was also his best friend, but she had gotten pregnant by him and pretty much their entire precinct was in on it but not a single one of them had told him.

For the whole pregnancy and the for three months after Tucker had no idea that beautiful adorable little girl he had called his baby wasn't his.

Then one night she came home, told him that she wanted a divorce, that she was moving in with his partner, and that he would have no visitation to the child he would have died for.

The DNA test confirmed he wasn't the biological father and the judge refused him an and all visitation rights and Carrie had threatened him with a restraining order if he came within ten feet of her 'new family' that broke apart not even a year after the ink was dry on their divorce papers because not only was Carrie fast and loose with her marriage vows, she felt as though that gold shield protected her from the law as well. She would steal drugs from dealers, threatening them to arrest them if they refused her, and even doing favors to some of her favorite dealers that even included one woman getting the ever loving piss beat out of her because Carrie had slipped her coke dealer the address of his ex in exchange for a few bags.

She got caught but instead of arresting her or notifying IAB they just put her in a rehab for a few months and gave her back her badge, only for her to relapse and do the same thing again.

After that Tucker thought for sure he could never trust anyone, much less a cop, again. They were all untrustworthy liars who only looked after themselves and didn't care about protecting the community at large. The thought they were above the law, untouchable, and Tucker wanted to prove them all wrong.

But Olivia had changed that for him, made him see past his prejudice. He even cited the specific day that it happened.

When Olivia called him to investigate her own partners assault on three men that had attacked him in his home. Any other cop would have let it slide, and honestly Tucker wouldn't have blamed them, but Olivia had called Tucker in to investigate him. She put the law above her personal relationship with Amaro... Then when she had refused to take the out he was giving her when Lewis shot himself, instead sticking to her story, sticking to the truth even if it meant an indictment she didn't deserve, he knew she was unlike any other cop he had ever known or would know again.

Elliot held up his hands in surrender. "Fine... Sorry. But there is a lot of bad blood between you."

"Was and that's over now," she told him.

"How the hell can it be over, Liv? He's still investigating you, he's still investigating the squad..."

"He transferred out of IAB. He's the Captain of Hostage Negotiation now."

His blue eyes went wide. "Wait... Tucker actually transferred out of IAB? Because of you?" Elliot let out a low whistle. "You know he probably resents you a bit for that right?"

Another glare towards him. "I had nothing to do with it. I didn't even know he was thinking about it until he told me. He was tired of not trusting people."

Elliot shook his head. "Wow... Ed Tucker is out of IAB. Never thought I'd see the day."

"Yeah well he is..."

"Wait hang on... He's a captain and he's dating a grade two detective? That's illegal across the board."

Olivia turned and studied his face for a moment trying to gage if he was serious or not. He was, and she felt her heart shatter at the realization.

He thought, after all this time, that she would never get promoted... That she had stayed a grade two detective all this time, that she had stayed frozen in the time since he left her without moving on.

She tried desperately not to appear like she was hurt at the accusation.

Olivia looked down towards the ground once again, clearing her throat before she spoke. "I'm not... I'm not a detective anymore." She looked up at him, welling the tears away. "I'm a lieutenant and I've been in charge of SVU the past three years."

Elliot's eyes went wide with shock as his mouth fell agape. "Jesus Christ, Liv... You... you're in charge now?"

"Always the tone of surprise," she said with an edge of iciness that he missed.

"What the hell happened to Cragen, to Munch?"

"They retired, Elliot. They left, although they actually said goodbye first..."

Elliot rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. "Well in any case I'm proud of you. You came a long way."

"Yeah. Thanks."

After that the two partners were pushed back into an uncomfortable silence before they heard a set of footsteps coming back down the trail.

"...I thought you two were ignoring each other," said Tucker as he walked back onto the site with a pot full of water.

Elliot shrugged as he stood up from his chair. "She was just worried about your fire being so small, was wondering if it should be a bit bigger like mine."

"Elliot, don't," she sighed as she ran her hands over her face.

Tucker glared while Elliot smirked at him and nodded towards Olivia. "See you later, Liv."

With a slight swagger in his step Elliot headed over into his own site.

"I see he hasn't changed," Tucker grumbled as he set the pot of water on the grate to boil.

"He's just being an ass."

"An ass I thought we all agreed that you would ignore?"

"He came over and sat down, I didn't invite him."

"You didn't tell him to leave?"

"I did."

"And?"

Olivia shrugged as she looked down at the ground, poking at the fire with a stick. "He got upset I was ignoring him so I stopped. He just wanted to know what was going on in my life, I was kind of an ass about it."

"Good thing because God forbid we upset Elliot Stabler."

Olivia shook her head, still not looking up at him. "You don't get it, Ed."

"No you're right," he admitted with a shrug as he stood up form where he was kneeling. "I don't get why when he gets upset, you have to bend over backwards to make him happy even when you don't want to."

She sighed again, finally looking up to speak to him. "Look, how about we forget about Elliot? I didn't come camping to talk about him." She stood and draped her arms around his neck. "I came up here to be with my two favorite people in the world; you and my son, alright?"

He looked at her for a moment before he nodded. "Fine."

Olivia smiled and gave him a quick kiss before she sat back down in her chair. "Good. Now throw the steaks on the grate thing because I am starving."

Tucker let out a small smile as he shook his head.

"You don't cook with flames, you cook with the embers. That's why you build a cook fire small." Olivia couldn't help but laugh as Tucker glanced over at Elliot who was standing as far back from his fire as possible as the flames flared up around his chicken.

"But trust me," Tucker turned towards her and smirked at her "The big fires coming later."

Please Review :-)


	4. Chapter 4

I own no one but my own people

"No no no, Noah, you're gonna drip-! ...The marshmallow on me..."

Tucker bit back a laugh as melted goopy marshmallow dripped from the stick her son was holding onto Olivia's jeans.

"S'mores!" Noah cried excitedly, waiting as patiently as three year old could wait, waving the stick around and sending bits of flying white goop everywhere, including on his mother while Tucker searched for the graham crackers.

When they were packing for the trip Tucker told her that instead of packing her good summer clothes she was better off just buying some clothes from a second hand store that she wouldn't mind getting smokey and dirty, knowing first hand not only how messed up clothes could get during camping but just how much his girlfriend liked her clothes to look nice and neat and put together.

But she ignored his warnings, telling him that she would be fine. There would be chairs and a tent, she wouldn't ACTUALLY be on the ground, same with Noah, although Tucker had managed to sneak in a few second hand shorts and t-shirts into the toddlers bag along with the collared shirts, sweaters and khakis his mother had packed him.

"Why don't you let me hold him while he makes the s'mores and you can look for the graham crackers?" offered Tucker, wearing a t-shirt with a dark unidentified stain on the sleeve and a pair of jeans he could remember wearing five years ago.

"That," Olivia sighed as more marshmallow dripped on her, "sounds like fabulous idea. Here, my love, go to Ed."

The two cops traded off what was in their arms, Noah in Olivia's, the small cooler of dry food in Tuckers hands and Olivia immediately began searching for the crackers but coming up empty. She looked through it once, twice, and finally on the third time she turned to Tucker and sighed. "I don't think we brought them," she confessed.

"We had to have, it was right on the table with all the other dry food," said Tucker as he leaned over and gave the cooler quick glance.

"I don't know but it's not in here," Olivia told him as she set the cooler down on the ground.

The former IAB Captain bit his lip as he unfortunately came to the same conclusion. Now that he thought about it, he remembered Noah accidentally knocking the crackers onto the ground while he helped the adults pack and thinking he would just grab it and throw it in the car on top of the stuff. Unfortunately that hadn't happened and now they were Graham Cracker-less.

"Buddy, I'm sorry," said Tucker his face mirroring Olivia's. They hated to disappoint the little boy they both loved so much and this would definitely be a disappointment... "But we can't make s'mores tonight."

Noah's face fell and tears flooded his eyes. "But... I make s'mores," he tried again, holding up the roasted marshmallow.

"I know baby and you did a great job cooking the marshmallow but we don't have any graham crackers," Olivia explained as kindly as she could.

Her heart shattered though when his lip stuck out and started trembling. She hated that look more than she ever thought she could hate an expression because she knew that meant he was sad and upset over something either Olivia had done or something she couldn't give him. Very rarely it didn't leave her with her own eyes getting teary eyed.

The SVU Lieutenant bit her lip as she looked over at Elliot's campsite where he and Eli were sitting around the campfire roasting their own marshmallows.

The Stablers dinner had consisted of chicken thighs that were burnt on the outside and all but raw in the middle, Tucker couldn't help but have a big smirk on his face when he pulled off two perfectly cooked steaks off their fire pit, so the former cop and his son were making it up with the chocolate marshmallow concoctions, using both Hershey Bars and Reeses Cups for the chocolate part in the middle, and had plenty of graham crackers to spare it looked like.

Tucker noticed where she was looking and his face fell. "Liv, don't. There's a gas station about ten miles up the road, I can get some graham crackers tomorrow when it opens."

"Mama, s'more," Noah said, his voice thick with tears, looking as pathetic as Tucker ever saw as the toddler held up the stick still holding his lone marshmallow.

"I'm sorry," she told her boyfriend, although after that plea from the young boy, Tucker couldn't necessary blame her for what she was about to do.  
So, with her sons pitiful pout in her mind, Olivia took a deep breath before she stood up from her chair and made her way over to enemy territory.

Eli noticed her first and he nudged his dad who looked over at her, watching as she came closer to them.

"Hey," she greeted with a bit of awkwardness.

When she stood there for a long moment without another word Elliot raised his brow. "You need something or did you just miss me?"

"Noah was excited about making his first s'more, but we forgot the graham crackers," she explained. "So I was wondering if he could borrow just two crackers, that's probably all he's gonna eat tonight anyway."

A smirk slowly rose on Elliot's face as he leaned back in his chair and he licked his lips. "Well what'll you give me if I give them to you?" he asked, his words thick with suggestion.

Olivia glared at him as she shook her head. "Ya know what just forget it!" she snapped as she turned to go back to her own site.

"Stop, stop! Come back, I'm just messing around."

She turned back around to face him, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Can my son have two graham crackers crackers or not?"

Without another word Elliot grabbed hold of one of the unopened boxes of graham crackers and tossed them to he with Liv easily catching them.

"I only need two."

"What about the rest of the week?" Olivia stayed silent as Elliot got up from his chair and walked over. Standing in front of her so close after all these years, she would have been lying if she said her heart didn't begin racing the same way it did anytime the blue eyed detective stood that close to her. "Feel free to take them. You just gotta do one thing for me."

"Elliot," she began with a sigh but he quickly cut her off.

"That's not what I meant. Although I wouldn't be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about that... But no that's not what I want. What I want, in exchange for the crackers and your sons happiness, is an hour of your time. Just one hour, you and me, alone, talking about our lives since I left. That's all I want." He stepped even closer to her, erasing any personal space she had left, not taking his eyes from hers. "One. Single. Hour."

Olivia bit her lip as she looked into his eyes, still in awe to this day just how blue they really were.

She had always had a thing for blue eyes. She wasn't sure where it stemmed from, but there was just something about them that Olivia found sensual and passionate and beautiful. Apart from Brian Cassidy all of the men she dated had eyes that were some shade of blue, and it just so happened that the two biggest loves of her life had the bluest eyes she had ever seen.

She swallowed hard as she took a step back from him and blinking, looking anywhere besides into the blue that had captivated her for twelve years and as much as she hated to admit it, still did apparently.

"One hour," she told him, already trying to think of ways to get rid of Tucker so she could manage it without him knowing. "That's it. Then you go back to pretending I don't exist."

Elliot smiled. Sure she had insulted him but she agreed to talk to him. That was a start...

He knew his next move was pushing his luck but he didn't care, he had to try.

"Thanks, Liv," said Elliot as he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, pulling her close to his chest.

As he held her Olivia's eyes went wide, her arms laying stiffly by her side. They had hugged twice in the twelve years they had been partners and both times she had wished for them to last longer, for it to have a much more intimate meaning than 'thank you for saving my wife and child' or 'thank you for being here when someone who reminded me of my mother was murdered' but now she just wanted him to let her go so she could get back to her son and boyfriend.

At least that's what she was trying to tell herself...

Finally Elliot let go and stepped back and finally turned to go back to his site. Olivia was rooted to spot for a bit before she went back to her site, ignoring Tuckers hurt face like the plague. She sat down in her chair next to the fire and quickly opened up the box of graham crackers and handed one to Tucker without looking at him and instead just staring straight ahead into the bright orange flames.

He swallowed hard as he took the cracker and without a word assembled the s'more for Noah and handed it to the toddler.

"Here, buddy, why not take this and eat it at the picnic table so it doesn't make a mess?" suggested Tucker as he set the boy down.

He could have cared less about the three year old making a mess, that was half the fun of eating s'mores to be honest, but he needed to talk to Olivia alone and even if Noah couldn't understand what was being said he would still feel better if Noah wasn't there to hear it.

Noah nodded and ran off to the wooden picnic table to eat his dessert leaving the two adults alone and awkward.

"It was just a hug it didn't mean anything," Olivia muttered still without looking at him.

"Fine but why was there a hug to begin with?"

"He... I don't know, does it matter? I hugged Cragen, I hug Barba all the time, I hug Fin-."

"Barbas gay, you told me once you thought of Cragen as your father, and you have never had romantic feelings for Fin," Tucker countered.

"He is not gay he is bi leaning towards men," she shot back. "Plus how do you know I've never felt anything for Fin?"

"Liv..." Tucker sighed.

"Twelve years, Ed... He was my best friend and partner for twelve years. Have you EVER had someone that meaningful in your life that long? Alright I can't just pretend he's some stranger when he's fifteen feet away from me."

"He left you," he told her, emphasizing each word. "He didn't contact you for six years, Olivia. How can you be so willing to just drop everything and pick up right where you left off?"

"He hugged me, its not like we fucked in front of the fire pit!" she told him a bit more forcefully that she would have liked. "Not to mention I didn't hug him back, Hell I never would have gone over there if my son didn't want to make s'mores. Strop trying to act like I'm looking for any excuse in the book to talk to him and even if I was so what? Are you trying to tell me the only person I'm allowed to talk to is you? If that's the case then screw you and you can start walking home right now."

"Olivia, that's not-."

"I'm going to bed," she interrupted with a short icy tone as she stood up from her chair. "Truck keys are on the table if you want some heat tonight."

"Liv, will you listen to me for two seconds?" But she had already turned tail and was storming off towards the picnic table where she grabbed Noah rather abruptly and the two of them headed into the tent.

Tucker swallowed hard as he stared at the place where she had stood, anger flowing through him for the brunette in the tent. He wanted to go after her and yell at her that she was wrong, but he knew if he talked to her now he'd end up saying something he'd regret.

They had one argument since they started dating and it had been about his cousin lying about what happened to Kara. Yeah he had gotten heated and yelled at her but he didn't yell AT her for something she had done or said that made him upset.

The same could be said for Olivia as well. Before today she hadn't raised her voice once to Tucker, or to Noah for that matter. But now with Elliot back in her life it was like she was in defense mode for whatever happened and he had no idea how to shut it off.

He took a deep breath as he turned back to the fire, scooching his chair closer for warmth. He stole a glance over at Elliot's site and glared at the former detective who wasn't even attempting to hide the smirk plastered on his face.

Elliot had heard the argument between the two, and he couldn't be happier about it if he tried about the fact they hadn't just argued, but argued about him with Olivia being on his side.

Tucker clenched his fists as he whipped back around towards his own fire. Olivia told him about what Elliot used to do whenever she had even a perceived interest in another man other than him. He would act like a jealous fool, he would make her feel guilty for associating with other men, be proud of when he accomplished preventing another man for getting close to her.

… Just like Tucker had done just now.

The Hostage Negotiation Captain felt a total of three inches tall as the guilt overtook him.

 _Its different_ he tried to tell himself. _They had feelings for one another._

 _Now she has feelings for you._

 _They probably slept together._

 _You and her DEFINITLY ARE sleeping together._

The internal war raged on for a long while but as hard as he tried to excuse what he had done, tried to excuse confronting her over an ex friend giving her a hug that she didn't reciprocate, the lower he felt just for trying to explain his actions away even to himself.

He loved her. More than he loved any woman. He was going to ask her to be his wife, she was the reason he could now trust again, why he no longer assumed every word out of other peoples mouths was a lie, why he could actually start to have real friends again...

Olivia Margaret Benson brought out the absolute best in him, and Tucker was determined to spend every day of his life repaying her for that gift...

Tucker turned back to the fire and sat there a long while. After an hour Elliot and Eli went into their tent but not before Elliot and Tucker locked eyes For half a second Tucker thought he was going to come over and talk to him but after a tense moment Elliot followed his son into the tent.

The flames had been reduced to embers by the time Tucker felt that it was safe to retreat into the tent.

He slowly unzipped the tent and stuck his head in. Olivia had changed from jeans and a top into a pair of cotton shorts and a tank top and had dressed Noah into his firetruck pajamas. He was sleeping sounding in his Batman sleeping bag and Olivia laid on her side in hers, gently stroking his feather soft hair, only a battery powered lantern to give light in the small tent.

Tucker couldn't turn away from the two of them. They both looked so calm so peaceful, so relaxed; three things that had eluded the two Bensons for far too long.

"I just came to grab my pillow," he explained softly so as to not wake Noah. "The backseat of the truck isn't exactly the softest place to sle-."

"You're not sleeping in the truck,"she said without turning away from her toddler.

"You sure? You seemed pretty adamant about it earlier."

Olivia sighed softly before she sat up and looked at him. "I'm sorry I lose my temper. I shouldn't have shouted at you like that."

Tucker shook his head as he zipped the tent up and crawled over next to her, taking her hands in his "I never should have said anything about him hugging you, it was wrong of me to act like some jealous prick. I trust you, Olivia, more than I've ever trusted anyone in a very long time."

"Then why don't you trust me with him?" asked Olivia softy.

"...You want the truth?"

She nodded and Tucker took a deep breath before he spoke, taking hold of her hands as he did. "Because I hate... what he does to you."

"Ed-," she started with a sigh but he continued as if she hadn't spoken.

"He makes you dependent on him, he makes you feel guilty for having a life outside of him, he hurt you and I hate him for it," he explained. "Ever since he left, you've been able to have other people in your life, you've been able to grow. Now all of a sudden he's back and it's like your heart isn't sure how it can handle having someone that loves you and him back in your life because for so long there was only room for him so you lash out."

Olivia swallowed the hard lump in her throat as Tucker leaned forward, resting his head against hers. "I love you, Liv, and I hate seeing you hurt."

"He doesn't hurt me though."

"Just because you're used to it doesn't mean it's okay what he did and what he continues to do."

"You've seen a snapshot of our relationship, that's it. You're exaggerating everything that's happened between me and Elliot and this whole trip is turning into a constant argument about him and what he's done and what you think I'll do with him and I'm getting sick of it already. We haven't even been here twenty four hours so will you please. Just. Stop?"

Tucker but his tongue, wanting to argue with her, wanting for her to see his side of the story but instead he just closed his eyes and nodded.

She leaned forward and kissed him, sighing as she leaned her forehead against his. "It's kinda cold tonight," she said, letting him know that the conversation was to be dropped. "Why don't you sleep in my sleeping bag instead of yours?"

"I don't know," he said as he clicked his tongue. "It'll be a tight fit."

She flashed him a flirty smile. "Oh I think we can manage..."

As it turned out, sleeping on the cold hard ground was the lest manageable thing she had ever done in her lie.

It was cold, hard, there was a rock lodged in her thigh, and once again she was left wondering why anyone would ever want to leave the comfort of their own home to pretend to be homeless.

Tucker was in and out of her sleeping bag twice as she tried to get comfortable before she decided she'd rather have back pain then deal with the cold of the woods at night and she ordered him back in her bag to keep her warm.

Not only that but she quickly found out that even a thick sleeping bag like the one she bought wasn't enough support for her back and Tucker laid out his own sleeping bag as a mattress pad of sorts so it would give her a little extra cushion.

Eventually she just cuddled up as close to Tucker as she could before she laying all the way on top of him and using his chest for a pillow and his strong beating heart as he lullaby. It wasn't comfortable for Tucker but if it allowed her to finally get some well deserved sleep he wold suffer through it, reminding himself to pick up an air mattress when he went into town tomorrow. Eventually he too drifted off to sleep with his arms wrapped firmly around her, trying to ignore the fact that his beautiful girlfriend was laying on top of him wearing nothing but tank top and almost non existent shorts while he only wore a thin pair of cotton sleep pants. Every time she would shift in her her sleep she would rub up against him and he could do nothing but lay there and take it because he wasn't about to try anything while her son slept not even three inches away from them.

She was definitely getting her own mattress tomorrow...

Olivia awoke the next morning with a soft groan as she felt Tuckers hand trail up her thigh. "Baby not right now," she muttered sleepily, her eyes still closed. "Noah's right there..."

But that didn't deter him and the sensation traveled further and further up her leg.

"Ed, come on stop," she told him again as she went to push him away.

It was then she noticed that Tucker was gone from the tent as was Noah ad she was alone in her sleeping bag. But... If Tucker was gone then who was slowly trailing his hand up her leg...?

Olivia looked down at her leg and her brown eyes went wide with shock and a scream caught in her throat as she saw a long thick slimy black centipede quickly crawling up her thigh.

She laid there frozen for a second before the long insect began making its way underneath her shorts.

Olivia shrieked as loud as she possibly could, slapping her leg as she stood up, hitting her head on the tent. The centipede refused to relinquish the hold he had on leg though using it's tiny legs to hold on for dear life as she simultaneously slapped at him and struggled to open the tent.

Anther scream ripped past her lips when she felt a sharp pinch as the demon bug bit her but not backing off the slapping.

"GET OFF, GET OFF, GET OFF!" she screamed at the bug finally relinquished and fell to the ground somewhere in the tent. Olivia didn't take the time to see where it landed as as she all but threw herself out of it, landing face first into the dirt and scraping her knee in the process.

"ED!" the Lieutenant screamed as she scrambled to get up from the ground. "ED, HELP!

So disgusted and horrified over what had just occurred she didn't notice the sound of another tent quickly unzipping. She looked around the campsite, still feeling the creatures legs traveling over her skin., and not seeing hide or hair of Noah. There was a small cook fire going that was almost ready to put food on so she knew Tucker had to have been up at least an hour or so but where the hell was he? And Noah for that matter?

"Liv!" a familiar voice yelled full of panic and she whipped around to see not her boyfriend but Elliot Stabler running over, loaded gun in hand. "You alright?!"

"There's something in the tent!" she yelled, pointing wildly towards the temporary shelter.

Elliot all but ripped open the tent flap and aimed his gun inside, expecting to find some man that had tried to assault her but found it to be empty.

"Liv, there's no one in here," said Elliot as he shuffled through the sleeping bags to make sure there was no intruders, only finding a centipede on top of Olivias sleeping bag.

"It's not a who, it's a what! It's a fucking demon snake with feet!" she told him, standing as far back away from the tent as possible.

Elliot couldn't help but chuckle as he holstered his gun. Without hesitation Elliot lifted his foot up and stomped on its head as hard as he could, a loud sickening 'CRUNCH' proving it had passed on.

"It's dead," Elliot announced as he threw the insect corpse out of the tent before he climbed out of it. Olivia was too busy trying to rub the already red inflamed spot on her upper thigh to notice him stop abruptly as his eyes fell on her.

"There's a first aid kit in the back of the truck," Olivia explained, biting her lip against the fire that seemed to have taken over the spot where it bit her. "There's some bite ointment in it, can you go get it?"

She expected to hear footsteps but instead there was nothing so she looked up from her leg to look at him.

"Elliot, I said there's a first aid kit in the-."

"What the fuck did Tucker do to you?" he snarled as his eyes raked over her body

Olivia narrowed her eyes in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?"

She noticed he couldn't take his eyes off her so she followed his blue eyes to where they were locked and that's when a realization hit her. She swallowed hard as her eyes fell on the now white and faded somewhat but still prominent scars that littered her body.

The cigarette burns and knife cuts on the top of her breasts that her scooped tank-top showcased, the circled scars on her wrists from where she had been cuffed inhumanely tight for days, the brands made with keys and a wire hanger that decorated her upper thighs that were now on full display thanks to the fact she had rolled up her shorts to rub the bite mark... All scars caused by William Lewis.

Anger was far too mild a word for what raged inside Elliot Stabler right now. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't speak he couldn't think about anything except wanting to kill the fuck who had hurt her, and he knew exactly who had hurt her like that.

Ed Tucker.

And Elliot was gonna kill him.

 **Please Review :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

I own no one but my own people

A cold sweat overtook Olivia as pulled the leg of her shorts down wishing more than anything that she had gone to sleep in sleeper pants and a hoodie instead of shorts and a tanktop.

She crossed her arms self consciously in front of her chest to hide the scars there but it was too late. Elliot had seen them and he worked in sex crimes long enough to know those weren't ordinary wear and tear scars; someone had intentionally hurt her.

Olivia opened her moth to speak but nothing came out. Her squad knew not to ask about the scars, Amanda had told Carisi on his first day not to ask about the scars if the Lieutenant accidentally exposed in the work place and he never did.

While none of them said anything about them, Olivia could feel their eyes on the scars whenever her shirt was cut a little bit low or it was too hot for a blazer so she simply wore tank top and the circles on her wrist shone like hell fire against her skin.

Brian, one the rare occasions they did make love after Lewis had gotten a hold of her, would always look at them when they were together. Olivia was never ashamed of her body before, even as it grew softer and less firm with age. She knew she was still a damn good looking woman in her fifties, in regards to her her face and her figure but now? Before she would take off a shred of clothing she would turn the lights off because she was tired of seeing Brian's eyes flicker to her scars, wondering what Lewis did or her. She never told him what they were from, and she would have been lying if she said there wasn't a gigantic elephant in the room every time they were intimate.

Tucker on the other hand... he already knew everything that Lewis did to her. He had read her statement, he reviewed the medical reports, he was, after all, the one that cleared her for assaulting Lewis the first time and told her they found no evidence to dispute her story when she said that he shot himself... She didn't have to tell him anything and he didn't have to ask because he already knew the answers.

The first time they made love Olivia reached over to turn the lights off but he stopped her.

"I've wanted this for over a year now," he told her as he grabbed her hand and pulled it away from her lamp. "I wanna see every inch of you..."

When she told him no Tucker didn't let it go an asked why she was so adamant that she wanted the lights off, thinking it was some vain reason like her age or the fact her body wasn't as tight as it once was, neither of which detracted Tucker whatsoever.

Then he saw her rub her wrists where the scars from the cuffs were and then he knew. He knew exactly why she didn't want him to see her in the light.

"You'll stare," she told him, voicing her fears in a soft whisper, looking up at the man that was lying on top of her. "The squad does it, Barba does it, Brian did it... I don't want you to do it too."

Tucker took her face in his hands and kissed her softly before moving his kiss behind her ear. "I won't stare," he whispered, gently sucking and licking the spot behind her ear that seemed to be directly connected to her groin. "I promise... Just let me see you. Please?"

After a moment of consideration Olivia nodded, turning her head sideways so she wouldn't have to see the damn pity in his eyes that everyone else looked at her with.

He lifted up her shirt and pulled down the slacks she had been wearing before he unhooked her bra and slid her panties off and his eyes fell on the burns and cuts, on the brands and the markings that Lewis had intended to use to show the world that he had dubbed Olivia his and only his...

"Wow," he breathed as his eyes looked her over.

Olivia cringed slightly as she felt tears sting her eyes. She knew it, she knew it would be too much, that the evidence that she had been assaulted, that everything that Lewis did to her was as clear as day across her body was too prominent for him to turn away from.

Any second now he was gonna tell her she was so sorry, that he wishes this had never happened, that-

"You're so beautiful," Tucker breathed, hardly able to believe this woman, this stunningly breathtaking woman that he had fantasized about too many times to count, actually wanted to be with him.

Olivia slowly opened her eyes and turned back to find him staring at her, but not at her scars. He was looking at her curves, her body, her beauty... he didn't find the scars anymore off putting as the stretch marks or wrinkles age had graced her body with. It was proof that she had lived through a terrible ordeal. It didn't define her, it didn't make up who she was... they were just there.

"So incredible," Tucker whispered, running his hands over her breasts, including the scars but he didn't linger on them, he didn't hesitate when his fingers reached the raised white circles and lines, treating them like they were just a natural part of her body, his eyes finally tearing away from her body to look her in the eyes. "Please... Olivia please keep the lights on," he had begged. "I wanna see you."

Tears sprang to her eyes again only this time they were tears of relief and she nodded wrapping her arms around him as she did so. "I'll leave them on..."

That night the two of them made love over and over. For the first time in over two years, she didn't feel like such a victim when her scars were exposed.

Now, however, she felt as if her scars were highlighted with big neon signs pointing out each and every single solitary one and Elliot couldn't tear his eyes away from them.

Hot angry tears filled his blue eyes as his hands clenched into tight fists which highlighted his own, albeit self inflicted, scars on his knuckles.

"Elliot," Olivia finally managed to get out through the shaking with more difficulty than she ever had. "That's not... Tucker didn't-,..."

But she couldn't get the words out. She hated even speaking his name out loud, like Lewis wold somehow hear it and come back to haunt her if she dared to say his name. She had healed over the years since Lewis. Noah and Tucker... they both helped her in more ways than she could ever list. Noah was proof that with everything she had been put through, the kidnapping to the trial and the final showdown, she deserved happiness and love. The young boy would never know just how much he saved his mother.

Then Tucker... Tucker proved to her it was alright to feel vulnerable, that it was okay for her not to be the strong one all the time, that it was okay to just break down and cry after what she went though and not feel guilty about it. He held her at night when she had the occasional nightmare, he kept her grounded during the now rare flashbacks...

Brian saved her from quite possibly eating her gun and she would be forever grateful for that, but Tucker and Noah were the ones that made her feel like she didn't have to live one single day at a time but made her believe that she could actually enjoy her life as a whole again.

But occasionally she couldn't be grounded and he mind would take her back to the beach house or the granary or the courtroom, she didn't realize it was all just a nightmare the second she woke up and she truly believed that William Lewis was back in the room with her.

Right now, with Elliot drawing more attention to what had happened to her then she had received in the two years since Lewis was buried in a shallow grave with only the grave diggers to attend the proceedings and a series of numbers to mark where he laid, she had trouble reminding herself that he was gone and she s safe at a campsite...

Her breathing sped up and she shut her eyes, using every ounce of willpower she had to stay in the present. She opened her mouth toe speak but she was shaking too hard to get any words out.

Oh God why wouldn't Elliot just look away? Why couldn't he pretend he never saw the scars?

"What, he didn't mean to hurt you?" Elliot spat, taking Olivia's anxiety attack and sudden mutism to mean he was right about Tucker not just abusing her but flat out torturing the woman, and like most victims, she was terrified now that someone had found out. "You don't get knife cuts and cigarette burns without it being intentional. He burned you, he cut you-!"

"Please stop," she half bagged, half gasped, unable to take hearing what Lewis did to her spoken out loud by the man she had wanted during the worst days of her life, who she knew would have killed the man who was responsible...

"He BRANDED you, Liv!" he continued as if she hadn't spoken. "Unless you're some sexual sadist now and you actually enjoyed it."

"This was NOT! Caused by sex!" she barked, the same familiar fire burning in her words now as they burned that day in the courtroom.

"Liv?"

The two ex partners turned towards the noise and Olivia swallowed hard as she saw Tucker holding Noah in one arm and a kettle of water in the other walking down the hill from where the bathroom and water were.

Elliot narrowed his eyes at the man as he walked towards the two former friends.

"Everything alright?" asked Tucker as he looked between them, so used to the scars that he had truly forgotten that someone who had never seen them before, much less someone who at one point worked around victims who had been given similar scars, would be shocked.

"You sadistic son of a bitch," Elliot snarled.

This time it was Tuckers turn to narrow his eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Did you think I wouldn't find out? That she would keep it hidden the whole time she was here?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Liv, whats going on?"

Olivia opened her mouth to answer but before she could Elliot jabbed a finger in his face. "You do not get to talk to her anymore!"

Noah let out a scared whimper and buried his face in Tuckers shoulder and hugged him tighter.

"Elliot, stop!" Olivia begged, both for her boyfriend and her sons sake but she would have had more luck talking to the truck.

"Back off, Stabler," Tucker barked. "You do not get to control what I do or what she does!"

"Would you rather I fucking burn and brand her like you do?" he shouted.

"You are off of your Goddamn nut! Liv, lets go."

Tucker tried to walk over to Olivia but before he could even take a step Elliot grabbed him by the collar of the jacket he was wearing.

Noah let out a terrified scream of 'MAMA!' and began crying hard as Elliot jerked Tucker to face him, making the former IAB commander drop the kettle of water. "I said you don't talk to her!"

Olivia sprinted over and yanked Noah from Tuckers grasp before he got hurt, the toddler instantly throwing his arms around his mothers neck. She headed back into her tent with a still crying Noah in tow, wanting to be there to protect her boyfriend and to stand up for him, but she had to take care of her son first.

"Get off me," Tucker growled, throwing Elliot's hands off him once his hands had been freed. "Only one of us is still a cop, Stabler so I would think REAL hard before you put another Goddamn hand on me."

"Go ahead and arrest me," Elliot spat. "You think I give a shit? Once I get a hold of her squad and tell them what you did, you're gonna be LUCKY if they throw you in jail with half of your limbs in working order! But I swear to you before the have a chance to go after you I will make sure you fucking match that woman scar for scar..."

"You're insane! Alright I don't even know what the hell you're talking about!"

Elliot reached over and grabbed the pack of smokes from the breast pocket of his jacket and threw them in his face. "I'm talking about you using those to torture her! I saw the cuts, the burns, the brands, the Goddamn handcuff marks... What she's too strong for you to torture on your own so you have to cuff her before you can hurt her?"

Tuckers face fell as a shattering realization hit him over the head. Elliot saw the scars and thought he was responsible, that he had hurt her like that, that he had tortured her, burned her, cut her...

The former IAB Captain had never felt more disgust rise up in him as he did right then.

Before he even considered dating her he respected her not just as a cop but as a strong woman. Whenever one of his squad would joke about framing her for something just so she could 'pay her way out', Tucker would stop them in their tracks and bark at them to knock it off. He hated it when anyone would even talk about disrespecting her. He wanted to protect her, defend her, be there to save her...

Hats why it hit him so hard when he thought she broke the law and why he had been so hard on her when she was accused of murdering Clyde VanDyne and when he thought she had leaked the story of Lincoln Haver to her boyfriend. She was better then that.

He hated what Lewis did to her. 1PP called him after Cragen informed them what happened and devastated would be too mild a word to describe him when they let him know that not only was Olivia kidnapped but she had been kidnapped by a serial rapist and torturer.

Tucker had ran down to the 1-6 and marched straight into Cragens officer, and it was when he saw Cassidy looking so unbelievably lost that Tucker made the decision to find a way to get him his shield back.

He asked the SVU commander without hesitation how he could help Cragen just looked at him, his eyes red and raw from tears that none of his squad had seen, and all he said to him was, "there's not gonna be any paperwork on him."

Tucker didn't have to ask to know what he meant. If the 1-6 found Lewis, he would never see the inside of a jail cell. If he did go it would be the hospital ward his entire sentence.

Cragen was essentially asking Tucker to look the other way if that happened, to give their detectives a pass if something were to happen to Lewis, to let them possibly get away with murder.

Tucker locked eyes with Cragen for a long moment before he gave one curt nod and walked out of the precinct, wanting to do the same thing to Lewis as Cragen had planned.

He visited her the hospital the day after she had been found not for her statement but just to check on her. Tucker could barely stand the fresh burns and cuts that marked her skin, saw her arm in a sling with her usually bright warm brown eyes now empty and hallow, hating himself as he watched her flinch when he got too close to her...

That night when he got home was the first time he had actually cried in years...

Now that he learned Elliot thought he was the one who caused her all that pain? For one he now didn't blame him for the hate or the anger. But the fact he thought the former IAB commander capable of that?

...How hard had he been on the man standing before him?

Tucker took a deep breath, finally understanding why Elliot had acted the way he had. "Stabler," Tucker began as calm as he could, acutely aware that the former cops hands were now clenched into tight fists. "I didn't do what you think I did."

"Oh bullshit I saw the scars, Tucker!"

"Did you forget she works sex crimes? Did you forget that she's a strong powerful woman working in a field where psychos use rape and torture to prove they're just as strong and powerful as their victims?"

Elliot narrowed his eyes at Tucker but said nothing as his former advisory's words swam around his head. She had been sexually assaulted a handful of times when he worked there, even came close to being raped once...

"Plus," Tucker added when he was sure Elliot was actually willing to listen, "do you really, I mean REALLY, think if some guy even thought about raising a hand to her much less hurt her like that she'd be willing to stay with them?"

"Abusive relationships don't just happen to meek mild people, Tucker," Elliot told him with a slight glare.

"Okay but Liv-."

"I've seen women with ten times her strength and self confidence calling their husbands 'sir' and jumping first before asking how high when he tells them to jump," he interrupted, the unfortunate facts he learned during dozen plus years of working SVU spilling out of him. "Its about manipulation, power, control, dependency... not how strong the woman is."

Plus, Elliot thought, not that he wold ever admit it out loud and she had never admitted it, he always thought of one of Olivia's biggest fears was being alone. That's why she had clung so closely to him when they worked together, she needed someone to be there for her.

Her mother had never married and the way Olivia told it men in the apartment were very far and few between and none stayed more than a night. Serena never married, never had any other children, never dated, never really had any friends to speak of, and her mother wanted her as alone as she was, wanting her to pay for the miserable life Serena blamed her daughter for giving her.

Again not that he would ever tell her, but Elliot was sure that Olivia would have stayed with anyone who gave her a second glance... And from what he remembered about Tucker, he definitely would have fallen under that category of her falling for a guy just so she would have someone.

Before Elliot could answer Olivia and Tuckers tent unzipped and she, now dressed in a pair of jeans and a zip up hoodie despite it being almost ninety degrees out. In one hand she held her iPod and in the other Noah who was also dressed not in the second hand camping clothes Tucker had managed to sneak in there but khaki shorts and a short sleeved striped polo shirt.

Without a word Olivia thrust the iPod at him.

"What the hell is this?" asked Elliot as he looked at the screen. It had several tabs open and all of them were open to some news website all covering some man named William Lewis and, his eyes went wide with disbelief, the kidnapping, torture and attempted rape of Olivia Benson.

"Read it," she spat narrowing her eyes at him. "Read it, go ahead. You wanted to know more about me, about what caused these burns, these scars... there ya go."

Elliot swallowed hard, "Liv, I didn't-."

"We're eating out," she snapped at Tucker, giving him no room to argue, letting him know it was less about the breakfast itself and more about wanting to get away from her ex partner.

Tucker nodded and sparing a quick glance at Elliot, set a hand on the small of her back and led the small family to the truck.

Please Review.


	6. Chapter 6

**I own no one but my own people**

Olivia leaned against Tucker in the booth as his arm wrapped around her shoulder.

On the opposite side Noah was too busy enjoying dunking his French toast sticks into the tiny bowl of syrup and drinking his chocolate milk, oblivious to the look on his mother's face.

She was lost deep in thought, feeling the burns and the cuts on her skin like they were brand new instead of years old.

There was zero shame in staying in an abusive relationship, Olivia knew that from the almost twenty years of working SVU, nor did she think it could only happen to weak mild mannered women. But how on earth could Elliot think she not only would continue a relationship with someone who hurt her but who tortured her to this extent? Who burned her and cut her and littered her body with horrendous scars and brands? It didn't make any sense. Then he had insinuated that it had been caused during sex and that had hurt far more than accusing her of being a victim.

Elliot and her had sex, a fair few number of times. Olivia could be kinky when she wanted to be in the bedroom. She had employed handcuffs, worn lingerie consisting of fabrics ranging from lace to leather, done role play, had sex in unconventional positions... Even once she and Elliot had engaged in a night of BDSM where she was the submissive and they BOTH got turned on by it.

But something that left permanent physical scars? There was a very thick line between a spank or giving her hair a slight yank during sex and someone slashing at her breasts with a knife or burning her with cigarettes.

She struggled to keep her memories firmly rooted in the present, here with her son and boyfriend instead of in a beach house, terrified and cuffed to an iron frame bed...

Olivia tried to shake the images from her head as she reached up and grabbed Tuckers hand like a lifeline, her breath hastening as the edges of the small diner began to morph into a place of terror.

Tucker looked over at her his girlfriend and his face fell as he watched her eyes go wide, saw her chest heave faster as she fought to keep her feet on the ground.

"Liv," he said as soft as he could manage making sure not to touch her with is free hand ignoring the pain in his other hand as she squeezed it tight. "Olivia, stay with me. Come on, Sweetheart stay with me."

But his words were fading fast, replaced by the voice of her own personal demon who it seemed like would be put here solely on earth just to torment her, even when he was dead and buried. His heavy breath as he panted in her ear as he molested her at the granary, the anger in his words when she had tried to buy time at the beach house, the sickening way he described everything he planned to do to her in the interrogation room... His voice was starting to take over, coming from everywhere at once, surrounding her, drowning her, the diner had changed into the beach house and he was right beside her, mocking her with the fact that she would be crying Elliot's name in the midst of the rape.

Then a word. A single solitary word managed to pierce the wall, managed to break through her flashback, the one word that she had longed to be called since before she could even remember.

 _Mama_.

Noah. He was here in the beach house with them asking for her. As she glanced around desperate to locate her son she realized he couldn't have been in there with them. Noah wasn't even born when Lewis had kidnapped her.

She heard it again, clearer, not crying out in fear for what the toddler was witnessing but he sounded normal, happy. Slowly the memory of the beach house faded away and a small diner took its place, Lewis voice was drowned out by the idle chitchat of small-town folk and tourists up from the city and eventually died out completely.

Olivia blinked several times, suddenly very aware of the ice cold sweat that had broken out all over as well as the fact that Tucker was staring at her.

"I'm sorry," she half breathed as tears stung her eyes, her body trembling slightly as she looked up at him. "I'm sorry..."

Tucker, who unfortunately thanks to the nature of his former job, recognized the signs of PTSD in a cop almost instantly, shook his head, being careful to keep his hands in her view at all times so she knew he wasn't going to touch her without permission. "It's okay," he told her in a soft whisper. "Everything's fine, Liv, you're safe. You're right here..."

Olivia took a deep breath, wiping away the wetness that stung her eyes before she slid over in the booth, trying but ultimately failing to get far away enough from Tucker so that she wasn't brushing up against him.

He, graciously, pretended not to notice.

"How is everything today?" their waitress asked with a smile when she reached their table, ignorant to the look on her customers' face. "Are we ready for the check?"

"Can you give us a minute?" asked Tucker politely, not sure rather or not Olivia was ready to deal to another person just yet.

"No." Olivia cleared her throat and gave a quick shake of her head. "No we're fine, we'll take the check now please."

The waitresses smile fell some but nonetheless she nodded and placed the check in front of Tucker and walked away.

The brunette took a shaky breath before she shook her head again, forcing herself to focus on something other than the embarrassment of what had just happened. She turned towards Noah and couldn't help the groan that escaped her seeing that he managed to get most of the syrup in the dipping bowl on his face, hands, and the front of his shirt.

"I don't think he actually got any of the syrup into his mouth," she sighed as she pulled out several wet naps from her purse and reached over the table to wipe his mouth and hands. She'd worry about finding him a clean shirt back at the camp site.

"Maybe a bite or two but definitely no more than that," Tucker offered, hoping to get his draw a smile from his girlfriend as he put some cash into the black book.

It was faint but it was there. She turned to him and for the first time since last night he saw the slightest hint of a sparkle in her eyes again.

God he lived for that. Making her smile, making her laugh, bringing back that spark inside her that for whatever reason life was constantly trying to extinguish in her… Tucker loved making her realize that, despite everything that had happened in her life, she could still laugh and smile and actually be happy. More specifically she could be happy with him and Noah.

The small family paid the bill and headed out.

"You wanna go back to the camp site or you just wanna sorta walk around, see what this town has to it?" asked Tucker.

Olivia, who was not in any mood to get back to the site where Elliot had more than likely already read what happened to her along and was waiting to question her, told Tucker that she was fine just walking around.

So after getting the stroller out of the truck incase Noah got too tired or cranky to walk they headed down main street.

Tucker had specifically picked the site he had for the fact there were things to do around the small tourist town and they didn't have to spend all day at the site sitting in lounge chairs around the fire pit. It was no Manhattan on Friday night busy but there enough quaint little mom and pop shops and things to look at and do to kill a chunk of time.

As they walked down the sidewalk Tucker held onto Noah's hand on one side while his other arm wrapped around Olivia's waist. Not holding her so close that neither one of them could walk without annoyance but tight enough that she felt safe and secure walking down the streets after what had happened at the diner and the campsite itself.

They stopped and window shopped at several of the small stores, going in one or two just to mosey around. At a homemade fudge shop, they stopped and bought a small baggie of chocolate peanut butter fudge for Noah to eat after dinner tonight and then continued on their way.

Noah was happy just to mainly look at what was for sale, not really pulling them in one direction or the other until he saw a large wooden carved Irish Wolfhound outside a store front.

"Big dog!" he cried excitedly, dragging Tucker and Olivia to look at the piece. His smile was huge as he pet the big wooden animal like it was a real dog and pointing to it while looking up at the two adults. "Big dog!"

"I see that," said Olivia, stroking her son's hair. "You like looking at the doggies?"

Noah nodded and pet it for a few more moments before he looked back up a them. "Fake big dog," he said rather knowingly.

Tucker chuckled before he reached down and picked up Noah, nodding inside the store where it looked like wood carvings seemed to be their specialty. "You wanna go see if they got anymore fake big dogs?"

The toddler nodded so inside the store they went, the doors bell jingling as they did.

Inside the shop was wood carvings ranging from tiny hand held individual statues to six-foot-tall carvings that ran over six hundred dollars to rustic looking tables and chair and benches.

"How can I help you folks?" a large tall man with a full beard in a flannel jacket and jeans that, for all his effort, still glistened with the sawdust he had attempted to wipe off him asked from behind the counter.

"Big dog!" Noah said again, pointing to a rather realistic looking German Shepard carving with a large grin.

"We just wanted to sorta take a look around if that's alright." Tucker explained as he rubbed Noah's back.

The man chuckled and nodded. "Well we got plenty of dogs for him to look at, lots of other stuff too. All of it made of solid oak, hand carved from local trees... Just lemme know if you need help with anything."

Tucker thanked he man and the small family slowly walked around the store and examined the pieces of art, the former IAB agent patiently explaining what each animal was and answering any question the toddler had, no matter how obvious or redundant.

Olivia couldn't help but smile as she watched Tucker interact with her son. He had made it clear the moment things started to turn serious that he didn't think of Noah as some extra burden he had to deal with but he wanted to be just as involved in Noah's life as he in Olivia's life. Tucker knew they were a package deal and he had gone beyond and above proving that to her.

Tucker told her he had always wanted kids but he didn't want to have them with someone that he wasn't fully in love with. He didn't want to bring a child into that kind of home.

Tuckers parents, both of whom were devout Irish Catholics who came from typical religious homes, got married in a quick ceremony simply because his mother was pregnant and neither grandparent wanted a bastard for a grandchild. The family just told the other church members and the priest that Tucker was born five months premature, despite being a healthy nine pounds three ounces at birth.

No one quite believed the story and Tucker knew growing up he was somewhat of a black sheep of the family, from being conceived out of wedlock as well as not believing in the Catholic faith quite as strongly as the rest of his family and stopped believing in God and the Church altogether when the Priest scandal first broke in the early 2000s.

While both his parents loved him and his siblings to death, they hated one another but they both considered divorce a sin so they stayed together miserable and fighting on a daily basis. His father would yell and punch holes in the wall, his mother would cry, and Tucker and his siblings would hide in their rooms silent and fearful that one day their father might hit their mother instead of the wall.

He thought he loved his ex and thought she loved him which is why after a year of marriage he convinced her to get off the birth control; unaware she had been off it for several weeks already. Then when she snatched away the baby he had grown to love even if she wasn't his biologically crushed him but instead of deterring him from wanting to raise a child, it just fueled the desire to be a father even more.

Then as he grew older the feeling of wanting to be a father never went away but he thought for sure the opportunity had passed. At most he would be the step parent to grown children, because what fifty-year-old woman would want to raise a child from the start, and he tried to convince himself that would make him just as happy as raising a child with his last name into a productive member of society. Then he overheard Brian Cassidy talking about her and why they had broken up to one of his colleagues. Olivia, even at her age, wanted a family, wanted kids, wanted someone to grow old with… Everything Tucker wanted was her goals as well.

The crush that had been slowly building up over several years reached a new height after he heard that. That same week, he asked her if he could buy her a drink...

"Mama, look!" Noah cried happily as he ran over to Oliva who had been browsing the hand crafted furniture, dragging Tucker along behind him. The three-year-old was practically jumping up and down with excitement as he held out a handheld wooden statue of a St Bernard, grinning ear-to-ear. "Big dog!"

"I see that, my love!" said Olivia, sounding just as excited as her son was. She took the statue and looked it over, letting out a low whistle when she saw the price sticker of $20 for the statue before she handed it back to Noah. "It's a very nice doggie but go put it back though so you don't break it."

Noah's smile disappeared as he shook his head and held the statue close to his chest. "But I want it."

"Sweetie, it's too expensive."

"I could buy it for him," Tucker offered.

"Ed, that things twenty dollars…" Olivia challenged. "He has a million toys back home, he's fine."

"How many of them are handcrafted from local wood? Honestly I don't mind."

"Pleeeeease, Mama," Noah added with a pout as he held the toy out to her. "Big dog…"

Tucker couldn't help but chuckle as he practically saw his girlfriend melt at the toddlers' plea. That little boy already had his mother wrapped around her finger.

"Fine," she sighed, shaking her head at how easily manipulated she could be when it came to a three-year-old. "But no more gifts the rest of the trip."

The toddler grinned at his mother before he hugged her tightly around the waist. "Thank you, Mama!"

"Thank Ed," Olivia prompted but never the less hugging her son back. "He's the one buying it."

Noah turned form Olivia to Tucker and hugged him, looking up and beaming at the older man. "Thank you, Ed!"

"You're very welcome, little guy," said Tucker with a smile as he pushed Noah's hair back. He reached down and picked him up the young boy before the small family headed over to the cashier.

"You find everything okay?" the bearded man asked from behind the counter.

"Big Dog!" Noah cried happily from Tuckers arms with a grin, thrusting out the statue to the man.

"I see that!" the cashier said with his own smile as he took the statue and punched in several things on his old style register. "You like big dogs?"

Noah nodded as Tucker expertly maneuvering getting his wallet out of his pocket while holding Noah with one arm.

"Ya know," the cashier said as Tucker handed him a twenty-dollar bill. "My interest in woodcarving got started by my dad doing the same exact thing you're doing for your son now. He took me to a store and bought me a little statue too, except mine was a bull."

Tucker froze as the man's words reached his ears. He swallowed hard as he looked over at Olivia who just looked at him. If you blinked, you would have missed the nerves that had overtaken her. She wasn't going to correct the man who assumed Tucker was Noah's father.

This was his call…

He took a deep breath as he took the tiny carving from the man and handed it back to Noah. As Tucker opened his mouth to speak, to tell the well-intended man that he wasn't Noah's father, the small boy let out a small yawn before he wrapped his arms around Tuckers neck and laid his head on Tuckers shoulder.

Tucker glanced down at the slightly tired three-year old and couldn't help the smile that overtook his face as he did.

God he loved that little boy…

He kissed the top of Noah's head before he turned back to the cashier. "Who knows, one of these days you might have some competition. Isn't that right little guy?"

He felt Olivia take his hand and when he looked over at her his girlfriend had the happiest albeit teariest smile he had ever seen on her.

He just smiled at her, squeezed her hand and the three of them walked out of the store.

"Ed, wait," said Olivia once the door shut behind them and they were all but anyone on the main street. Tucker turned to look at her and noticed that the tears she had fought with inside the store were winning the battle outside, her voice trembling as hard as he ever heard it but it wasn't from sadness. She had simply been overcome with sheer raw emotion.

"I just… I love you. So… so much right now. I didn't… I never thought my son would- would have a man in his life who would want to claim him as their own that wasn't… who wasn't Johnny D and I just… Thank you."

Tucker felt his own eyes well up with tears but he fought them back far better than she had, although there was an obvious scratchiness in his voice that was obvious to the woman he loved. "You never have to thank me for that, Liv. I want both of you in my life, for the rest of my life to be completely honest and I cannot tell you how honored I am that you're happy that I want to claim Noah as my son because I do love him, Olivia Margaret Benson… just as much as I love you."

As the two of them looked into one another's eyes, waves of emotion crashed over Tucker. He never felt so in love with her as he did right now.

That's when he knew, without a doubt, that this was the woman he wanted to be with the rest of his life. This was the family he was destined to have…

 _Now!_ He screamed at himself, the small velvet box in his coat pocket that he didn't trust her not to find at the site now feeling like it weighed a thousand pounds. _Do it now!_

Tucker swallowed hard as he stepped closer to the Lieutenant not leaving a single inch of space between them, their eyes locked on one another.

"Olivia, I-."

 _BEEEEEP!_

" _Out of the way, asshole!_

Both officers jumped a mile as a particular loud roaring sports car barreled down the road, honking obnoxiously as the young driver shouted at the fifteen-year-old car in front of it that had dared to go the speed limit.

"Jesus!" Olivia breathed, shaking her head. "I thought that kind of driving was only limited to the city."

"There's pricks all over the place," Tucker muttered, glaring angrily at the spot where the car had passed them not just for ignoring local traffic laws and giving him a small jump but for ruining the moment between the couple.

The ring felt weightless again.

She sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. "Idiots… But what were you saying?"

Tucker cleared his throat and shook his head. "Nothing serious," he lied. "Just that I love you."

She smiled as she wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him a soft kiss. "I love you too."

The small family grinned at one another before Tucker wrapped his free hand around her waist and the three of them set off again…

 **Please Review :-)**


	7. Chapter 7

I own one but my own people

After their purchase at the wood carving store Olivia and Tucker walked around the small town for a little longer before stopping to get ice cream. Tucker couldn't help but chuckle as he watched his girlfriend wince as her son managed to get more of the frozen dairy treat on his face and shirt as opposed to inside his mouth.

"So," he teased as she got out a pack of baby wipes and began cleaning Noah up once he was done, "are you going to admit I was right when I told you to pack second hand clothes for him?"

Olivia just gave him a playful glare before she turned back to Noah and continue to wash him up.

When the small family was done the made their way back to the truck and started to drive back to their temporary home. Tucker noticed though the closer they got the more nervous his girlfriend seemed to get. He reached over and grabbed hold of her hand, giving it a light squeeze. She turned from the window and gave him a faint smile before she turned back to stare out the window, chewing on her bottom lip as she did.

When they pulled into the site they saw Elliot sitting in his chair looking deep in thought; Olivia's iPad in the chair next to him.

"You don't have to talk to him," Tucker reminded her as he shut off the car, already knowing the reason why she was suddenly so nervous. "You gave him the websites; he could google more if he wanted… You don't have to talk to him about this."

"He's gonna have questions."

"That you don't have to answer."

Olivia turned towards Tucker and gave him a sad smile. "That's not how it works between me and him."

Tucker sighed softly, reaching over and pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I love you, Liv. I don't wanna see you hurt."

Her lips turned up into a soft mile before she leaned over and gave him a quick kiss before getting out of the car and unstrapping Noah from his toddler seat.

Tucker, with a heavy sigh, followed, praying that Elliot would give her the curtesy of letting her settle down before he bombarded her with questions.

His prayers were quickly unanswered.

Elliot got up from his chair and made his way over to the small family with her iPad in hand, unable to hide that look on his face. The same look he had after she, in a rather drunken state, told him about what happened in the basement with Harris.

Pity.

Olivia took a shaking breath as Elliot stopped in front of her, holding onto Noah as if the small boy could hear the unasked questions in his mother's old partners head and she wanted to protect him from them.

"Can we talk?" asked Elliot, his voice soft and gentle.

"Fine just… just don't use that voice with me."

"What voice?"

"You know what voice."

She had worked alongside the man for twelve years. She knew exactly what his 'don't spook the rape victim' voice was and it was that exact same voice he used to speak to her now.

Elliot swallowed hard and nodded.

Olivia turned towards Tucker who looked less than thrilled at the prospect of leaving his girlfriend alone with her ex-lover to talk about something so deeply personal but it was her choice and if telling him the more intimate details about what happened between her and Lewis helped her heal than he wouldn't stand in her way.

"Will you take Noah and give us some privacy?" asked Olivia.

Tucker took Noah from her arms but not before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek while throwing a harsh glare at Elliot before he turned to the small toddler.

"You wanna come with me to help find a good fishing spot for tomorrow, buddy?"

Noah nodded and without another word the two left leaving the old partners alone.

The two of them stood silent for what felt like a lifetime but was only several moments before he took a deep breath, trying to find the right words for the question he needed answered more than anything. "Did… The articles weren't clear, did he…" He shook his head, his mouth suddenly dry. He had asked the same question to hundreds of victims yet the one time he needed to know the answer to it more than he ever had before he couldn't get it out. He needed to know but he was terrified of the answer.

Elliot closed his eyes, forcing the words from his lips. "Did… were- were you raped?"

"No," she said to his visible relief. "But he… he did everything else pretty much," she muttered half hoping he couldn't make out her words.

"But… I mean he kidnapped you for four days… In all that time, he never-…?"

She struggled not to let a flashback overtake her. Not here, not in front of him…

"Lewis wanted me to beg for my life before he did," she told him, trying to control the shaking that threatened to overwhelm her. "He… he tortured me, sexually assaulted me, threatened to kill me but he wanted me to beg him before he did that."

"Jesus," breathed Elliot.

"That way he'd enjoy it even more when I begged him to put me out of my misery," she added as she cast her eyes to the ground. "That was his plan anyway."

The blue-eyed man felt his hands begin to shake as he balled them into fists.

"Then during the trial, he represented himself? The ADA allowed that?"

"Don't blame Barba," said Olivia. "The judge allowed it, there wasn't anything he could do. He's the best ADA we've ever had," she added as an afterthought.

"The best ADA you've ever had wouldn't allow a rapist to question a rape victim on the stand."

"He didn't rape me," she snapped. "Sexual assault is not rape."

Instead of arguing about what he perceived to be splitting hairs on her part he moved on to the next question, sure without a doubt that the papers had gotten it wrong.

"Fine, you weren't raped the first time but…when he broke out of prison-."

"He. Did. Not. Rape Me," she repeated fiercely.

"I get that, Liv. Okay calm down I get that… but the papers said he made you play Russian Roulette. They're not, right are they?"

Looking down at the ground was her only answer. His blue eyes went wide and his jaw dropped to the floor. "You… You took the shot?" asked Elliot, barely above to get his voice above a whisper.

"I didn't have a choice."

"Jesus Christ... Liv you could have died!"

"I know that." She looked back up in his eyes. "If I didn't cooperate he would have killed me anyway and then he would have hurt the little girl. At least this way I had a chance to save her."

She quickly wiped away the tears that had gathered in her eyes and Elliot's face fell at the admission.

He fought against his own raging emotions. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her as tight as possible, make her forget everything that that demon did to her.

"Liv… I am so-."

"Please don't," she interrupted, already feeling tears beginning to sting her eyes. "Please don't say you're sorry."

"But I am. I should have been there for you, for the trial, when he took Amelia… I shouldn't have been so selfish and left you alone. Maybe if I had been in your life still this wouldn't have happened or you would have been found sooner..."

"No," she snapped. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to make this about me trying to make you feel better that you weren't there. If you only wanted to talk to me so I can resolve your guilt then you can forget it because I'm not playing that game, Elliot."

He held up his hands in mock surrender. "Okay I'm sor-… Okay."

"I wanted you there." Her voice began to shake desperately. "More than anything. He… he knew I was thinking of you during all that, he taunted me with it."

Now he was trying to hold back tears. "Olivia-."

"I. Am. Not. Done." Another shaking breath, another swipe of her tears. "I almost called you the first time. I wanted you to hurt him, I wanted you to kill him… But I knew that you wouldn't pick up the phone, you wouldn't care. But I got through it. I had my boyfriend, my partner, my best friend; all three of them were there for me more then you have EVER been there for me… Turns out I didn't need you for anything."

A physical slap would have been less painful. She cleared her throat and wiped her tears one last time. "Is that all you wanted?"

He swallowed hard and nodded, not trusting himself to speak and not reveal how much her words had truly hurt him.

She started to walk back to her side of the site but after a few steps she turned back to where he was still standing and looked at him for a long moment. "You didn't ask me."

"Ask you what?" replied Elliot.

"Rather or not I killed him. I was almost indicted on murder charges for it."

Elliot just gave her a sad soft smile. "I didn't ask… because I already know that you didn't shoot him."

He gave her one final smile before he turned and headed back to his site leaving her standing there wide eyed and stunned.

Please review


	8. Chapter 8

I own no one but my own people

" _Say goodbye, Olivia."_

 _Olivia started to tremble uncontrollably as her eyes looked from the gun to Lewis, tears welling in her brown eyes._

 _She was going to die, here, in this rat infested hell hole. Her squad would find her dead with her legs spread and her pants unbuckled. They would think he raped her._

 _He came closer, waving the gun slowly, her eyes following it. This was it. Her last few moments on this earth._

 _She wanted to say goodbye to him. He would never known she said it, Lewis would have spent her last few moments mocking her for it but she didn't care. Olivia tried to make her mouth work so she could speak, tell the one person she wanted more than anything how much he meant for her but every muscle in her body refused to cooperate._

" _This is the last thing, you're gonna think about, before you die."_

 _She tried desperately to think of him; his short bristly brown hair, his square jaw, his deep blue eyes she could get lost in but she couldn't focus on anything but the gun in front of her face… She always thought he would be the last thing she thought of. Apparently not._

" _The last thing, you're gonna see…"_

 _She had a look of horror as he put the gun to his own head, smirking as he did it. It was worth it, losing his own life, if it meant he inflicted a lifetime of replaying that image in her head but more importantly knowing that every breath she took, every beat of her heart, she would have to live with the fact he gave her something she could never repay._

 _Lewis had given Olivia her life._

 _He pulled the trigger._

Olivia gasped as she flew up in the tent, drenched in a cold sweat, her whole body shaking.

It took her a moment to remember she was in the middle of nowhere in a tent instead of her apartment where the artificial lights from Manhattan would shine into her windows all night.

She hadn't had that nightmare in a while. Not since she started dating Tucker at least. Almost out of instinct she reached for him, expecting to find him lying next to her but she found nothing but the cheap fabric from the sleeping bag and the air mattress he had bought her earlier in the day.

Looking down on her other side she saw the dark outline of Noah asleep next to her cuddled up in his batman sleeping bag with his thumb plopped inside his mouth and holding onto the carved dog he had bought earlier in the day. She smiled sweetly at the young boy, gently stroking his soft brown hair for a moment before she finally saw the shadows of a fire dancing on the tent walls.

Slowly as to not wake Noah she grabbed a blanket and crawled out of the tent and spotted Tucker leaning back in one of the folding chair in front of the fire smoking a cigarette and slowly working on a bottle of beer. She couldn't help but smile as she stood up from the ground and simply watched her boyfriend relax for a moment. He looked just as comfortable and natural out her in the woods wearing a pair of faded ripped jeans and a t-shirt as he did in a suit in Manhattan.

Tucker heard her footsteps on the oft ground beneath her so he turned and smiled at her. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," she greeted as she walked over to him and sat in his lap, draping her arms around his neck. "What are you still doing up?"

Tucker shrugged as he wrapped an arm around her waist, taking a drag from his cigarette. "Couldn't sleep," he answered before he expelled the smoke from his lungs. He turned his glance from the fire to look up at her. "You?"

"Same," she responded, not really in the mood to tell him she suffered a nightmare.

Tucker knew better. After the day she had, the flashback se had suffered earlier, what had been brought up between her and her partner, he knew there was a nightmare on her horizon. That was the real reason why he stayed up later than usual.

He wanted to be there for her when the inevitable happened.

Tucker took the last drag off his cigarette and flicked the butt into the fire pit before he reached down and grabbed a beer from the drinks cooler and twisted off the top before offering it to her.

"Where did we get beer?" she asked, remembering quite distinctly that the only drinks that made it into the collar were bottled water, iced tea and juice boxes for Noah.

"Twenty four hour convenience store down the road," Tucker said as he grabbed another bottle from the cooler. "Figured after a day like today you'd need something stronger then Diet Lipton Green Tea."

"Just couldn't sleep huh?" she asked with a slight smirk as she took the glass bottle from him and took a long drink but thankful nonetheless for her boyfriend's planning ahead.

Tucker chuckled as he too took a sip of the cold drink, letting out a content sigh before he looked up at her. "You doing okay with… everything that went down today? You didn't really wanna talk after me and Noah got back."

She looked ahead into the steadily shrinking fire, taking another long drink before she answered. "When Lewis had me in the beach house right before the maid showed up, he started taunting me. Telling me that I would… I would cry out the name of the person who meant the most to me, who I would do anything to see again.

It wasn't Brian or my mother, not even my own brother… It was him. It was Elliot. He didn't stop, even when I had him cuffed to the bed, he kept talking about him, kept mocking me for wanting him there, for wanting him to hurt Lewis like he hurt me, and for still being in love with him."

Tucker tried not to showcase his disappointment at her latest confession.

She continued. "Every time he spoke about him I wanted to kill him. When they found me, I thought he' be there. There were reporters, it had been all over the news… I really thought he would show up either when I called my team to tell them where I was or when I was in the hospital, even the week after it happened I expected SOMETHING but... nothing. He didn't care."

Her bottom lip started to tremble and Tucker held onto her as tight as he could, ignoring the pain in his heart that came from his girlfriend telling him how much she had loved the man sleeping ten feet away.

"I mean Brian was amazing throughout it all, I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend during that time, he was sweet, caring, supportive but…"

"But you wished you had Elliot instead," Tucker finished for her.

Olivia finally turned to look at him and saw the pain in his eyes that he had caused.

"I'm sorry, she told him shaking her head. "I shouldn't have said anything."

Tucker gave her the sweet, gentle smile reserved only for her and the young boy sleeping soundly in the tent. "Don't be sorry. I told you from the beginning that I'm here for you, Liv. If talking about how much you need Elliot helps you heal and move past what happened with Lewis, then I'll sit and listen all day."

"Needed," she corrected as brown eyes locked onto blue. "I NEEDED him at one point. Now, he's nothing more than a fading memory that rears its ugly head once in a while." She snuggled up closer to him and laid her head on his chest. "It just happened to rear its ugly head during our vacation this time."

Tucker didn't buy what she was selling. Not for one minute. He saw the way she looked at him, saw the way her face lit up when she told Tucker stories about the two of them. No matter what she tried to tell herself Tucker knew she still harbored indescribably strong feeling for her ex-partner.

His one hope was that her feelings for him matched the ones he felt for Elliot.

Tucker took the blanket that she had haphazardly thrown across her shoulders and draped it across the two of them, holding onto her as tight as his arms would allow while she rested her head on his chest, his strong heartbeat playing her a soft lullaby only she was meant to hear.

"I love you, Olivia," he said softly.

A slow tired smile spread across her face as she closed her eyes. "I love you too, Ed."

He kissed the top of her head leaned back in the chair, and soon they both fell into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

…

"You filled the big cooler with ice right?"

Olivia nodded and nudged the cooler with her foot as she wrapped up the last of the sandwiches and put them in a separate smaller cooler.

"I don't know how you can like this," Olivia commented as she grabbed a few juice boxes for Noah and some waters for the two adults. "There's worms and hooks embedded into fish cheeks… It's disgusting."

"It's relaxing," Tucker argued as he fixed a hook to Noah's kid pole. "You're out there on the river, no phones, no people besides maybe your family, cold beer in your hand… It's a great pastime. Not to mention you can't get as organic and natural as fish caught right out of the river. Not to mention this river is smackdab in the middle of trout country. We're gonna eat good tonight."

Olivia put the cooler in the trunk and shook her head. "I don't know why you didn't wanna do something less… cruel with Noah."

"You mean like putting him on a brow beaten horse and leading him around in that little nerdy helmet? Or paying someone $2,000 to teach him to sword fight while he looks like a dork?"

Olivia threw a fake glare at her smirking boyfriend. "He looks adorable in his little fencing and equestrian outfit."

Noah came running out of the tent with a huge grin on his face and tugged on his mother's shirt. "Mama, we fish?"

"'Are we going fishing'," Olivia annunciated slowly, hoping the small boy would be able to copy her words.

Noah just looked up at her and blinked. "We fish?"

Tucker chuckled and picked up Noah and kissed the side of his head. "Yeah little guy, we're going fishing."

He picked Noah up with one hand while he grabbed the poles with the other and turned to Olivia. "You ready?"

Olivia simply looked at the two of them for a moment and smiled, hardly daring to believe that this was her life. The man she loved was taking her son fishing, the ultimate father son bonding experience. She couldn't have asked for a more picture perfect family.

"Hang on," she told them as she grabbed her phone and pulled up her camera. "Smile!"

Tucker held Noah tighter and beamed with pride while the young boy wrapped his arms around his neck and smiled as Olivia took their photo. With that the small family turned and left for the small fishing hole that Tucker and Noah discovered yesterday.

"It's just over that hill," Tucker assured Olivia after they had been walking for a while. "Pretty much Guaranteed to have no one else there."

Olivia, who just wanted to be done walking, merely nodded and followed them up the hill.

"I'm serious, Liv, it's a great secret little-… Are you kidding me?"

When they reached the top of the hill they saw the steep bank next to a peaceful slow moving river beneath it. The scene really was quite beautiful.

Except for the fact that Elliot and Eli were already there with their own fishing poles.

"Let's just go somewhere else," Olivia offered.

"Noah and me picked this spot out special though," Tucker argued.

Olivia wrapped her arms from behind him and laid her head on his shoulder. "And we'll find another one equally special."

Tucker sighed as he looked up at Noah who was waiting quite patiently for a three year old. "You wanna go find another fishing spot, buddy? This one kind of crowded."

Noah nodded and Tucker turned back to Olivia. "Come on. Let's get out of here before they realize we're-."

"Olivia?"

All three of them turned towards the voice and saw Elliot and Eli looking at them and a groan escaped Tuckers mouth once again. "Guess we're going fishing here."

The small family made their way over to the bank where the Stablers stood, their own ice cooler already full of fish.

"Elliot, I didn't know you were a fisherman," said Olivia as they got closer to them.

"Just picked it up in the last few years but what are you guys doing here? I mean there's plenty of spots all up and down this river," Elliot said as he looked between them.

"Me and Noah picked it out yesterday," Tucker told him. "It's a really nice spot."

"Yeah that's why me and Eli fish here every year," Elliot informed them. "Besides the river runs kind of fast in this section, don't you think it'd be easier for you and the kid to fish in a slower part of the river? It'd be a lot easier for you two."

"Elliot," Olivia sighed as Tucker narrowed his eyes at his adversary as Elliot smirked at him.

"I've been fishing since I was eight years old,' Tucker informed him with a bit of a snip. "I can handle this river fine." Tucker clapped Noah on the shoulder. "And so can Noah."

Noah beamed with pride and without another word he and Tucker turned away from the Stablers and began.

In the next hour, Tucker, patiently taught Noah how to bait his hook, how to cast his line and how to reel it in. However even with all of Tucker patience and experience, Noah had difficulty mastering the three activities and Tucker spent most of the time teaching and helping Noah then actually fishing.

The rare minutes Tucker did get to fish he managed to catch three good sized trout but Noah so far had caught nothing but a waterlogged stick.

"Not working," Noah grumbled as he reeled back in his line that was empty yet again. The young toddler was quickly losing patience with this activity.

"That's the way fishing is sometimes, little guy," Tucker told him as he reeled in anther fish, being met with an annoyed glare from Noah. "Just keep doing what I showed you."

"No fun!" he whinged as he cast his line again. "No fish!"

Olivia was about to suggest that Noah take a break thinking that her son was either hungry or cranky or both, when a surprising voice called out to him.

"You wanna know how to get more fish?"

The trio turned towards the voice and saw Elliot walk over with what looked like a small container of playdoh.

"I taught him how to fish," Tucker all but barked as Elliot came over and kneeled in front of Noah. "He's just having a bad fishing day."

Elliot ignored him and took Noah's line from him, taking off the worm from the line and casting it into the river below them before holding up the thing of playdoh.

"This is trout bait," Elliot informed the small boy as he took out a good-sized ball and handed it to Noah. The small boy handled it carefully before Elliot took it back. "It helps get a LOT more fish than if you use a worm."

"It's also cheating," Tucker grumbled as Elliot formed the playdoh type substance around Noah's hook. "Using artificial bait, you might as well be shooting fish in a barrel."

"But it'll make him catch fish and not absolutely hate the sport," Elliot told him as he stood up and led Noah to the edge of the bank.

Olivia bit her lip as she looked between her highly-annoyed boyfriend and her ex-partner. On one hand, Tucker was clearly getting upset over the fact his rival was taking over what was supposed to be his and Noah's thing.

On the other hand, Elliot was right. If Noah didn't catch anything soon, he wouldn't wanna try it again. Did it really matter who taught him and who got him interested so long as he learned a new skill?

So, biting her lip and ignoring the look on Tuckers face when he turned to her expecting her to tell Elliot to back off, she watched as he ex-lover instructed her son.

"Now, you wanna cast your line going straight back, not to the side like you've been doing," Elliot instructed the young boy.

"No, you cast it to the side so that when you reel it in you attract more fish," Tucker snapped.

"You don't need to attract more fish when you have the artificial bait, they'll come right to you," said Elliot. "Go ahead and do it my way, Noah."

Already looking disgruntled at having to try again, Noah reluctantly did what Elliot told him.

"Now just wait for a good minute then slowly begin to reel it in."

Noah did as instructed and not even fifteen seconds after his line hit the water there was a sharp tug on his line and his eyes went wide.

"Mama! Mama, fish!" he yelled out excitedly as his line was tugged on again.

"I see my sweet boy! Pull it up!" Olivia told him with a beaming smile on her face as she snapped as many photos on her phone as she could, grateful for Elliot having his hands-on Noah's waist so he wouldn't be dragged into the fast-moving river.

"Pull it up, Noah, pull it up!" Elliot encouraged him. "Just like I showed you!"

Noah did as he was told and, after a minute of fighting with the fish, finally managed to pull up a regular sized trout but to the toddler, it couldn't have been bigger.

"Catch fish, catch fish!" Noah screamed in excitement as he jumped up and down.

"I'm so proud of you!" Olivia cried as she hurried over to him and kissed his face. "Good job, my love!"

"Thank you." Olivia beamed at Elliot who looked as proud as he looked when Eli caught fish. "Thank you so much, Elliot."

"It's fine," said Elliot as he showed Noah how to get the fish off the line and tossed it into the bucket. "I'm glad I was able to help."

Olivia smile at him before she turned to a less than impressed Tucker. "He caught a fish, babe."

"He caught it by cheating," Tucker grumbled as he watched Elliot put more artificial bait on Noah's line. "He' teaching him the easy way out."

Olivia's face fell as Tucker reeled in his line and cleared his throat. "I think I'm done fishing for the day. Obviously, Noah doesn't need me."

"Ed, come on," she pleaded softly. "Don't be like that."

"Like what, I'm not being like anything. Obviously, Elliot is the better fisherman, Noah would rather learn from him…"

"Ed-."

"Besides I was up late, I'm tired…"

"Ed, please."

Tucker ignored her and Noah's excited screams over his fish and without another word turned and headed back towards the campsite.

 **Please Review**

Soon after Tucker had three good sized fish in the cooler while Noah


	9. Chapter 9

**I own no one but my own people**

 **A/N So... Wednesday sucked the cock. That wasn't supposed to happen. Tuckson was supposed to be endgame and end up happy and in love and married and raising Noah together. I hate this. Like... I've never been THIS emotional over a ship. The night it happened probably about every 30-45 minutes until like 6 AM I was crying REAL tears. This hurt me so bad.**

 **But... I haven't given up hope. Maybe next season under new show management they can get back together. Tucker did say after all that "He needs to be your priority RIGHT NOW" meaning that there may come a time when Olivia realizes she doesn't have to be single to be a good mother and a good cop.**

 **Anyway... Here's a new chapter.**

 **Oh also, IDK if this counts as being OOC or not, but it's fucking stupid that Noah didn't call Tucker 'Ed'. He would call him what his mother called him. Those on twitter know that's actually one of my biggest fic pet peeves when it comes to Noah. He's not 'Tucker' or 'Cap'n' or 'Tuck' or anything else. He's 'Ed' in my stories. Just Ed.**

The first time Ed Tucker smoked, he was covered in blood.

He had just transferred to IAB, not even three months into the gig and they were going after a cop that several sex workers had accused of rape. None of them were connected and all eight of them had similar details.

So Tucker and his partner went to the cops apartment and they cleared rooms one by one until Tucker reached the bathroom.

Tucker didn't see him until it was too late.

The cop grabbed Tuckers gun and the two wrestled for it; biting, kicking, punching, scratching, smashing a mirror that broke and shattered onto the floor... Finally the cop managed to get Tucker onto the floor and onto his back before getting the gun away from Tucker.

Later he wasn't sure how the thought even came into his head but he grabbed a large broken shard of the mirror and just as the cop pointed the gun at the IAB agent, Tucker reached up and slashed at the cops throat with the shard.

Blood sprayed out from the wound Tucker had made and it covered his own face. The cops eyes went wide and he gurgled out a few unintelligible words as he fell onto of the IAB agent, dead as a doorknob.

Tucker wasn't sure of a lot after that. His partner came running in, called 911, but Tucker couldn't focus on a single word being said or what others around him were doing...

He had killed a man. He had taken a human life. Sure it was to defend himself but that didn't take away any of the shock that came with it.

The next thing Tucker knew his partner had him on the roof of the hospital and there was a cigarette in his hand and nicotine in his lungs. He was amazed at how calm it made him, how the repetitive slow movement of bringing it to his lips, taking a puff, lowing it, bringing it to his lips, taking a puff, lowering seemed to relax him.

He used to smoke maybe 8 or 9 a day, usually after a long day at work in his living room as he watched the evening news. But then when Olivia told him she couldn't bring Noah over to his apartment because the smoke would agitate the little boys lung issues, he cut down that day. Now he was down to one or two cigarettes a month when he was feeling particularly stressed and he ALWAYS smoked outside instead of in the apartment but for the most part he carried around the pack just out of habit.

So far on this trip, he had smoked 5 times in the past three days.

Tucker sat on his lawn chair as he inhaled the smoke. He knew he shouldn't have left like that. He should have stayed with Noah and Olivia but when she let Elliot teach him how to cheat? He couldn't handle that.

It wasn't supposed to be about catching any fish or really teaching Noah how to fish, this river was too fast for Tucker to properly teach him, but it was supposed to be about him and Noah bonding. Then Elliot had come and just spat on that and Olivia had let him...

The IAB agent felt his anger growing at the former cop as he heard Olivia and Noah coming back down the hill. Elliot had left Olivia. He left without a single word, he had ignored her for the past six years and she was willing to drop everything just to be with him.

As long as he lived, Edward Jonathon Tucker would never understand the hold that he had on her... He heard the rumors from other cops. The way they would tell it they were both madly in love with one another or Elliot was bordering almost abusive the way he treated her.

The moment that the toddler set eyes on Tucker a beaming grin lit up Noahs face and he sprinted over towards the older man.

"Ed! Ed!" he yelled as he ran as fast as his tiny legs would carry him. "I catch THREE fish!"

"You did?" Tucker exclaimed excitedly as he got off his seat to meet the young boy. He reached down and picked him up, unable to help the smile when Noah wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Uh huh! THREE fish!" he said again just to make sure Tucker knew how amazing his feat had been.

"Well then I guess we're just gonna have to show you how to clean it so we can have diner tonight."

Olivia walked over to the pair and cleared her throat. "Can we talk?" she asked timidly.

The grin he had given Noah disappeared and he shrugged, his face now emotionless as a stone.

God she hated that stupid poker face of his. Since they got together she had barely seen it but when he wore it, she couldn't find words enough to describe how much she despised it. She was a detective, half of her job was reading peoples faces and emotions. When Tucker looked like how he was looking now she couldn't get any sort of read on him.

"Sure you wouldn't rather talk to Elliot?" asked Tucker as he set Noah down on the ground.

"Stop," she pleaded softly reaching for his hand. "Don't do this."

"Don't do what?" he asked as he pulled his hand away. "It looks like you would rather hang out with him then your boyfriend so it'd make sense you wanna talk to him instead."

The brunette lieutenant narrowed her eyes at him, feeling anger rise up inside her. "Ya know what, keep this up and I will wanna go talk to him."

Tucker held his poker face for a moment longer before he softened. He turned to Noah and kneeled down next to him.  
"Hey little guy, why don't you go play with Mommies iPad in the tent for a little bit?"

Noah nodded and took off towards the tent without another word. Tucker stood back up and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You wanted to talk so... talk."

"You know I don't even know why you're angry. You're the one who walked away from me and Noah."

"You know why."

Olivia scoffed. "Seriously? He was getting frustrated, Elliot taught him how to fish and you know what, he had a BALL catching those fish! Which, by the way, every ten minutes he was asking for you."

"Yeah he had a grand ol' time with your ex."

"Does it really matter? This stupid idea was about Noah trying something new wasn't it?"

"No, Liv, it was about me and your son doing something together," Tucker barked. "Okay I didn't care how many fish he caught, I wanted it to be something me and him did together. But no, you had to let Elliot fucking Stabler get close to him because deep down you want him to be apart of your family. Maybe I shouldn't have left for Noah's sake, but you know what? What you allowed was a really shitty thing."

She swallowed hard as she looked at the hurt in his face. She didn't realize how much she hurt him. "That's not true. Okay I love you, Noah loves you... I-."

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that you no longer love him. That you still don't dream about him, that you don't miss him."

"Of course I miss him, he was my best friend for twelve years!"

"He was more than that, Liv. You love him. Not loved, love."

She opened her mouth to argue but quickly closed it again. "I'm not... that doesn't even deserve a response."

Tucker chuckled coldly and gave her a curt nod. "Right."

He shook his head before he turned and left.

"Ed... Ed wait, where are you going?" she demanded as she hurried after him, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

"There's a motel up the street," he told her, his cold voice making her wince. It was like she was back in an interrogation room and instead of 'Ed' speaking to her, he was Lieutenant Tucker again.

Olivia stopped short for a moment before she ran over to him. "You can't leave! You... you promised Noah you would go camping with him."

"Well now he can go camping with Elliot. That's what you want right?"

"No that's not what I want!" He kept walking. "Goddammit will you just listen to me for ten seconds?"

He whipped back around and marched back over to her, a storm brewing in his dark blue eyes. "No you listen, Olivia! Ever since we got here, I've been second place to him!"

"That's not true!" she cried as tears began to well in her eyes.

"It is true, Liv! And the worst part is you don't even see it! You're so used to every other man in your life playing second fiddle to him that you don't know how to handle being with someone when he's around! Now that you think there's a chance you're holding out for him, hoping that he's gonna look over at you and realize that he loves you back but he doesn't, Liv! He never has and he never will and maybe when you realize that; you can have a relationship with someone who doesn't feel like they're your second chance!"

Now the tears were flowing freely from her brown eyes. Tuckers face fell. He wanted nothing more then to apologize for everything he had said, he wanted to fall on her knees and beg for her forgiveness. But instead he just turned and left...

"Ed," she breathed, her lip trembling as tears made their way down her face. "Don't. Please..."

Please Review.


	10. Chapter 10

**I own no one but my own people**

Olivia wasn't sure what to do. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted to go numb so she couldn't feel the overwhelming pain in her heart right now, she wanted to explode in anger at him.

How could he do this? How could he do this to her, to Noah? Didn't he realized that little boy loved him? Didn't Tucker realized SHE loved him? How was she going to explain to Noah that Tucker had left them out here in the wilderness, well... at a heavily wooded campsite on a state park, all because she let Elliot teach Noah how to fish?

But deep down she knew it was more than that... Was Tucker right though? What he screamed at her, did he actually have a point? Was she treating him like some second place prize?

Olivia shook that thought from her head. Of course she didn't. She treated Tucker like her boyfriend and Elliot like an old friend. She loved Tucker, it was obvious that she was over Elliot... But was she over Elliot?

His words buzzed in her head like a swarm of angry hornets. Everything he accused her of, everything he told her that deep down she knew was somewhat truthful. When she had Elliot in her life she didn't need anyone else. Even when he was with Kathy he would scare off potential dates, with a smirk as he did it.

At the time she thought it was romantic. He was protecting her, he didn't want anyone to get too close to her because he loved her, he wanted to save her all for himself, he was saving her... It didn't matter that he was happily married and kept her on the sidelines as an alternate. She loved him, and considered herself lucky enough just to be picked for his team.

Then after he left, David Haden had ridden in on his white horse and showed her that it was wrong for her to wait forever for him. He showed her she could actually have a life, she could have a boyfriend, she could be someones first pick...

When Elliot was there, there was no room for anyone else in her heart. He took up far too much of it. Now that he was gone though; she had room for another person in her life.

Until Lewis happened. Until she thought of him in the worst moment of her life, until he mocked her for still being in love with him. Like before he filled her heart to the point everything else, except the diaper clad baby she found in a dresser drawer, including Cassidy, just didn't fit anymore.

A tear rolled down Olivia's face, hating that the more she thought of it, the more Tucker was right. When Elliot was around there wasn't room for another man in her life. No matter how much she tried to make it so, it couldn't happen...

"Mama?" Noah's soft voice interrupted her thoughts as he slowly climbed out of the tent. He had heard the yelling and decided to stay in the tent until it was calmer.

Olivia sniffed and wiped her tears, trying to make her voice strong when she spoke to him. "What do you need, my love?"

"Where Ed?"

Olivia bit her lip as the tears fell even faster.

"Ed... Ed left, Noah."

The toddlers eyes went wide with shock. "Where he go?"

"He... He went home, Noah. Ed and Mama got into a fight," she answered with a catch in her throat.

"Nooo!" Noah wailed stomping his foot. "Ed camp! Promised!"

"I know, sweetie, but... but he left. I'm so sorry, my love."

"I want Ed!" Noah cried as tears filled his eyes.

"Honey, I'm so sorry..."

Without another word Noah took off running towards the road and away from the site, just as a large four door pickup was barreling down the road.

"Noah, get back here. Noah! NOAH!"

Olivia sprinted as fast as her legs could carry her, managing to grab him by the wrist and yank him out from out in front of the truck.

"What is the matter with you?!" she couldn't help but yell as she kneeled down and grabbed him by the shoulders, her heart jumping into her throat.

Noah was crying harder than she had ever heard, trying to pull away from Olivia's grasp.

"I! WANT! ED!" he screamed through his sobs

"You NEVER run into the road like that! You could have gotten killed!"

Noah's wailing changed from words to hysterical shrieks and wails. His face had twisted from a scowl to an all out cry, and the more Liv held him in place, the harder he sobbed.

Olivia forced herself to take some shaking breaths to calm herself down before she spoke to him.

"Noah, you have to calm down before you make yourself sick," Olivia said far gentler but still firm. Still Noah cried. Olivia watched him as his cries weakened, and she thought she heard Noah wheezing slightly.

"Noah, come on, calm down and talk to me nicely," Olivia said. Noah let out a cough that Olivia hadn't heard since the young boy had pneumonia. His entire body shook with the effort he was putting into clearing his lungs. He started gasping for breath.

"Noah?" Olivia asked, as her mood suddenly went from irritated and firm to concerned. "Noah, talk to me, my love." Noah took a breath and tried to talk, but was overwhelmed by another coughing fit. His tiny hands clung to Olivia, and his eyes were wide with fear.

"Come on, Noah, breathe, Baby. Ready? In…" Olivia took a deep breath, trying to coax Noah into doing it with her. Noah tried to inhale, and another fit seized him.

"I…can't…." he finally managed to wheeze.

Olivia grabbed Noah and sprinted back towards the tent, her thoughts going a thousand miles an hour.

"Hey!" an angry unfamiliar voice barked at her. The driver of the truck had stopped and gotten out and was now storming over to their site.

He was a balding overweight man in a stained gray jumpsuit with the word 'Jim' embroiled on the front of it.

"I didn't hit him, so whatever is happening right now isn't my fault! You need to watch your goddamn kid!"

Olivia ignored him as she set Noah down on the ground as she ravaged the tent, throwing the clothes and bedding around. Where the hell was her purse?!

She quickly scampered out of the tent and picked up Noah again this time running towards the truck.

"Hey I'm talking to you!"

"Liv?" Olivia's head jerked up as she heard Elliot call her voice. He was running as fast as he could over to them, one hand carrying poles, the other a large cooler full of the fish he and Eli caught. "Liv, whats going on?"

"Whats going on is she trained her kid to fake a damn injury so she can sue me!" Jim yelled at Elliot. "It ain't gonna work, sweetheart!"

"He has asthma," she cried out to Elliot as she tore apart the truck. "His inhaler is in my bag, I don't- !"

Then she spotted it. It was on the floor of the passenger seat, the same place she had left it when she and Tucker went into town the other day.

She grabbed the purse and kneeled down onto the ground with Noah in her arms before she reached into the front pocket and pulled out the inhaler.

"I'm not gonna be responsible for this!" yelled Jim, taking a step towards her. "It's not my fault you can't control your damn kid!"

Elliot grabbed him by the scruff of the shirt and slammed him against the truck with murder in his eyes.

"If you don't get out of here, I'm gonna give YOU something to blame me for. Get out of here," he snarled before letting him go. Jim tossed an angry look before he made his way back to the truck and took off.

Ignoring what was happening with Elliot and the man who almost hit her son Olivia grabbed the rescue inhaler and uncapped it, giving it a quick shake before she put it overs Noah mouth, because he was so young her doctor had given Noah what was called a spacer, a special mask that held the medicine in until he breathed it in instead of a standard adult inhaler which you had to simultaneously squeeze and breathe in at the same time, and squeezed twice.

"Breathe, baby," Olivia told him as she held him against her chest by the shoulders, putting a hand on his chest. "Just breathe, it's alright, Mommy's right here. Mommy's here..."

Noah struggled but eventually he managed to breathe in the medicine and slowly but surely his breathing was back to normal.

He rested his head against Olivia's chest and snuggled as close to her as he could as Olivia leaned against the truck, gently stroking his hair.

"I miss Ed, Mama," he told her.

Olivia closed her eyes as a new string of tears started to make their way down her face.

"Me too, my love, me too."

A few hours later Elliot watched from his site as Olivia began cleaning up their site. After a moment of staring he went over to her, clearing his throat to get her attention.

"Leaving so soon?" he asked as he leaned against a tree.

Olivia nodded as she put away Tuckers lawn chair in the truck.

"I have to get him to his prediction in the morning," she told him as she put away the cooking supplies in the plastic bin. "The only reason I didn't leave yet is because I wanted him to get some rest and he's never been good about sleeping in the car," she told him.

Elliot walked over and picked up the tub and carried it over to the truck. "Lizzie was the same way," he told her. "Most kids you put them in the car, its lights out... We actually had to keep her awake all night on road trips so she would sleep."

Olivia chuckled as she too leaned against the truck. "How is Lizzie doing? And the rest of your kids for that matter?"

"They're good. Lizzie is a happy stay at home mom, one kid, one on the way."

A slow smile crept on Olivia lips. "You're a grandpa?"

"Of three," he told her with a proud grin. "Dickie is a Sergeant in the Marines, three deployments under his belt so far, Maureen is a second grade teacher at Our Lady of Grace elementary school out in Long Island, married, two kids, and Kathleen runs a foundation for sexual assault victims in Detroit with her girlfriend." He chuckled, "she named it 'The Benson-Stabler Foundation'."

Olivia's smile grew. "That's great, El. They sound like really good kids. I hope Noah can grow up to be like one of them."

"He will. He has a great mom to guide him."

She gave him another smile before she went back to packing up the site, this time with Elliot by her side.

"So," he began as he picked up two large bundles of firewood. "If you don't mind me asking, where did Tucker go?"

Olivia's brief smile fell. She cleared her throat and pushed a piece of hair back form her face. "Tucker... He left."

"I kind of figured but why?"

She opened her mouth to lie, to make up some sort of excuse but instead she just felt tears start to fill her eyes again and she quickly looked away from him.

Elliot's face fell and he reached out to gently rub her shoulder. "Hey... Liv what's wrong. Talk to me."

Olivia shook her head, still unable to face him. Elliot put a finger under her quivering chin and turned her towards him.

"Talk to me," he told her as soft as he could.

That voice. That stupidly calm understanding voice. It was a rare instance when someone was privileged enough to hear Elliot Stabler when he was being kind and gentle, when his blue eyes softened and you felt like you could tell him your deepest secrets and know that everything would be okay.

He used that same voice the night they first slept together and he was using it now.

She shrugged, unable to help the tears that fell. "He... Tucker broke up with me. He's staying at the motel down the road."

Elliot's eyes went wide with shock. No... There was no way she was serious. After a moment of stunned silence he spoke, clearing his throat before he did so.

"Tucker... broke up... with you?"

A nod was her confirmation.

"Please tell me it wasn't over that stupid fishing thing."

"It was. I mean it wasn't. Partly but I mean-.." She sighed and shook her head. "It was a lot of things."

Olivia sighed and sat down in the bed of the truck with Elliot taking up the space beside her.

"The fishing thing was the tip of the iceberg. He wanted to spend time with Noah and bond with him and you took that over," she explained.

"Liv, I saw you two together," said Elliot. "He wouldn't break up with you and leave you and Noah here because I taught him how to fish."

"It wasn't just the fishing part, Elliot, it..."

"What? Talk to me, Olivia, tell me what's going on."

"It-... It was you. Okay, he left me because of you."

Elliot narrowed his eyes in confusion as Olivia looked back down at the ground. "Me? What do I have to do with anything?"

She closed her eyes, licking her suddenly dry lips before she spoke. "He..." She took a deep breath and finally looked up at him. "He thinks he's second string to you. That... That when you're around, there isn't enough room in my life for anyone else."

Elliot blinked once. Twice. Three times. "...Oh."

"'Oh'? That's all you have to say to that is 'oh'?"

"I- I mean that's..." He stammered out a few more unintelligible words before he shook his head and cleared his throat. "Is... I mean was he right?"

"I don't know," she answered as honestly as she could. "I've... thrived so much since you left. I found myself, I've had relationships, real happy relationships, and never once, not once, thought of breaking it off because you told me you and Kathy had a fight, or because you texted me that Kathy was staying at her mothers house, or because I overheard you two yelling at one another over the phone in the crib."

"Liv-."

"Then Lewis happened," she interrupted, "and the same thing happened that's happening now, I pushed Brian away, I pushed a really good man away because in the back of my mind I kept hoping that you could come back, that you would sweep me off my feet, that you suddenly realized I was the woman you couldn't be without. But then I found Tucker, and he made me forget you... But then I saw you here and it was like everything I worked for these past five years, every single step I took forward meant nothing and I was right back where I started. Trying to find room in my heart for you and someone else..." She shook her head before she turned to look at him. "I don't know how to do that."

Elliot looked at her for a long moment. Her confession left him stunned. He never expected this.

"Elliot say something. Please?" she begged softly.

Finally he looked over at her and forced his thoughts to become words. "I didn't... I had no idea you felt this way, Liv. If I had..."

"If you had what?"

Now he looked directly into her brown eyes and she couldn't help but look back. God he loved those eyes... They were so warm, so full of love and life, so expressive... He's seen other women with brown eyes, sure, but none quite like hers. Hers were something special and different entirely.

Everything about the woman looking at him now was special and different.

"If I had known... Then I probably wouldn't have left. I would have come back after Kathy... Who knows maybe if I had you and me would be raising your son right now if I had."

Her eyes glistened with tears as the two ex partners looked at each other. Neither of them could turn away from the other.

It was as if time stood still. Nothing mattered besides the person they were sitting next to, there was no one else in the world apart from them.

They leaned in.

"Mama?"

They both paused and Olivia closed her eyes for a moment before she turned to Noah who had crawled out of the tent clutching his blankie and rubbing his eyes. "What do you need, my love? You feeling okay?"

"Throat hurt," he whined slightly, rubbing his throat for emphasis.

"Okay, baby. Mama will get you some medicine in a bit okay? You hungry?"

"My fish?"

"Um... Sweetie, Mama isn't really sure how to butcher fish. How about hot dogs?"

"I know how to clean them," Elliot told her. "You and Noah can eat with me and Eli tonight."

Noah just nodded before he walked back into the tent.

"Thank you," she told Elliot. "Tucker was supposed to teach him how to butcher them but-."

Her words were cut off as he grabbed her face and kissed her. Olivia sat there stunned for a moment before she began kissing him back.

Every movement was familiar but at the same time it felt as new as if they had never done this.

He pulled back from her and rested his forehead against hers.

"So," he spoke softly, barely a whisper.

"So..."

"...What are we doing here, Liv? Where do you want this to go?"

Olivia wrapped her arms around him, still not opening her eyes. "How about for now, we just eat dinner, and then we figure out where we go from there?"

A soft smile crept on Elliot's lips. "Sounds like a plan," he said before the two partners kissed again.

 **Please Review. Only 2 more chapters left.**


	11. Chapter 11

I own no one but my own people

"Liv, Noah, dinner!"

Olivia had Noah cuddled in her arms next to the fire pit as she read him his favorite story.

Whenever he got sick,rather it just be a simple cold or an asthma attack, Olivia would be lucky if he spent more then five seconds out of her arms not clinging to her but she didn't mind the clinginess. When she was a child and she got sick, Serena would, for the most part, give her some medicine, a cup of water, turned the TV onto cartoons and then left for work. If she went to the bar after work, which was most nights, she would call their neighbor to come check on Olivia. The neighbor would make her a quick dinner, give her some more medicine, and fall asleep on the chair to game shows.

That's why it hit her so hard when the ACS worker accused her of not caring when Noah was in the hospital. She did care. More than anything. But when Jackson confronted her about Noah being left with a 'baby sitter', that hurt more than anything anyone had ever said to her. Even if she wasn't there with him because of a drinking problem, she still wasn't there when he was sick

After that every time he got even so much as a cold she would call into work, and spent every waking moment holding him, snuggling him and doing everything she could to make the small boy feel better and letting him know he could depend on her.

Would some qualify that as spoiling him? Probably. Did that make him clingy when he was sick? Yeah. But did she care what others thought when it came to her son? Not a damn bit.

Olivia glanced down at her little boy who was snuggled as close as he could get to his mother.

"You wanna go eat your fish?" she asked sweetly.

He nodded without letting go of her so she carried him over to the Stablers site and sat down in one of the lawn chairs encircling their fire pit and setting Noah down in the one beside her.

Eli sat on the opposite side of them and was eyeing Olivia apprehensively, still not understanding why his dad invited the woman who hit him and had spent these last few days yelling at him to dinner.

Elliot brought over four paper plates of the fish they caught earlier in the day and salt potatoes, one containing the food already cut up for Noah's small hands and mouth. When he handed Olivia her plate, his hands lingered on hers when she took the plate from him a moment longer then he normally would and she couldn't help but look up and smile at him.

He gave her a quick smirk before he sat next to Olivia who, along with Noah, began eating the second Elliot sat down.

She brought the fork to her lips just in time to see Eli and Elliot bow their heads and fold their hands.

Olivia immediately lowered her fork to wait until the blessing was done but Noah, who apart from the day he was baptized, never set foot inside a church or even heard the word 'God' said in a holy manner by either her or Tucker, didn't know enough not to eat while someone said Grace.

"Bless us, O Lord," Elliot began, "and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty..."

Noah picked up a piece of fish with his fork and Olivia put her hand on top of his to stop him. He whinged and pulled his hand away and tried to put the food in his mouth again only to be stopped by Olivia again.

"Stop, Mama!" he whined, his sore throat and sleepiness making him far more cranky than normal.

"Be patient, my love, wait until they're done," Olivia told him softly.

Elliot opened one eye and raised his brow at the young annoyed looking toddler before he bowed his head again.

"Through Christ, our Lord. Amen."

"Amen," Eli followed and at once began eating.

Olivia let go of Noah's hand who gave his mother a short lived glare before he turned to his plate and began to eat.

"You don't take him to church?" asked Elliot as he stabbed a potato with his fork and took a bite.

Olivia paused for a moment before she cleared her throat and shook her head. "No uh... No. I had him baptized but I didn't keep up with the whole Sunday morning thing..."

Elliot's eyes lit up. "You had him baptized?"

Olivia nodded. "I wanted something to ground him to the community back when I was just his foster mother."

"What church did you go to?"

"The Unitarian Church of All Souls," she told him, watching his face fall just as quick as the smile had come.

"You... You baptized him as a Unitarian?"

Olivia nodded as Elliot furrowed his brow. "Why?"

"Because I felt their teachings for the most part lined up with my beliefs."

"Yeah but it's... I mean if that's what you feel is the best for you and your son..."

I do," she answered a little shorter then she meant to.

Elliot knowing that tone meant that was the end of the conversation just nodded and went back to eating his dinner.

But Eli looked up from his food to look at Olivia. "My priest says if you don't believe in the Catholic teachings you go to Hell."

"Eli, stop," Elliot warned as he saw Olivia raise her brow at his son.

"It's true though," the nine year old continued. "My old priest also said my sister is going to Hell because she lives with a girl but then dad almost got arrested for hitting him REALLY hard and setting his robe on fire when he fell into all the candles so we can't go to that church anymore. But our NEW priest said that you go to Hell if you aren't Catholic but he said its okay if a girl lives with a girl she just has to be Catholic."

"Oh... wow... What a... what a good thing to teach a child," Olivia said with a look towards Elliot who looked like he would rather be anywhere else then right there.

"Eli, why don't we..." he cleared his throat, "why don't we stop the religion talk for now?"

Eli shrugged before he went back to his fish. There was a brief moment of silence before Noah spoke, making both adults groan.

"What Hell?" the toddler asked.

Before Elliot or Olivia could answer him Eli spoke up again. "Its this really really REALLY hot place you go when you die forever and ever if you do bad things and if you aren't Catholic and the Devil is really mean to you."

"Eli," Elliot groaned as Noah turned to Olivia.

"We Catholic?"

Olivia had to hold back sending a glare at the nine year old. "No, Noah."

"So... We go Hell?"

Eli nodded. "Yup."

"Alright, that's enough," Elliot announced rather loudly as Noah's eyes grew wide with fear. "No ones going to Hell. Eli, quit it with the religion talk, I mean it. Noah, you're not going to Hell because you aren't Catholic." An uncomfortable silence rose up from the group as Elliot cleared his throat and nodded towards Noah s plate. "Hows the fish you caught taste?"

"Great!" Noah exclaimed with a beaming grin, already forgetting about the fear of burning in Hell. "Best fish ever!"

The rest of the dinner went by peacefully. It was mostly spent talking about the kids plans after the summer was done and all talks of Hell and religion were forgotten. Eli would be going into third grade and was over the moon excited for it and when Olivia mentioned Noah would be starting his first year of preschool soon Elliot offered to get her in contact with the preschool that his kids went too and Olivia told him she would give that teacher a call, already knowing that her plans for Noah s preschool didn't involve a church basement out in Queens but instead at least a $10,000 a year brick and motor school in Manhattan, $18,000 if he was accepted into her first choice.

After dinner Eli and Noah played baseball (AKA Eli would throw a plastic ball into the air and would attempt to hit it with a whiffle ball bat and Noah would attempt to throw it back, usually making it half way between him and Eli.) Then the two boys played tag and Olivia was grateful that Eli allowed the toddler to occasionally catch him. But when Noah started to cough a bit harshly, Olivia suggested they calmed down some so after they made smores they took her iPad and watched the saved Disney movies on it until they fell asleep in Elliot and Elis tent with Sleeping Beauty playing in the background.

"Out like a light," Elliot announced as he walked over to the fire pit where Olivia was sitting, now dressed in a tank top and pajama pants.

"Remind me to tell Eli thank you for playing with him," Olivia said as Elliot sat down beside her. "He's a really sweet kid, Elliot... Ya know apart from the whole 'try to scare my child into believing in the Catholic doctrine' thing."

Elliot chuckled as he took the seat next to her. "Yeah he hasn't quite got the whole 'don't be an ass regarding your religion' thing down yet."

She gave him a small smile before she turned back to the fire pit. "It's funny; I got you on one hand beaming that I baptized him, until you found out what church I took him too, and then Tucker who's probably the most anti religious person I've ever come across who criticized me for getting him involved in religion before he could make his own choices."

Elliot narrowed his eyes in confusion. "An Irish name like that and he's Atheist?"

"Not just Atheist, he hates religion. More specifically he hates the Catholic Church."

"Why?"

"His whole family was devout, he never really believed in it, was kinda the black sheep of the family for not believing so that made him dislike the church MORE... Then when the Priest scandal hit, that kinda solidified everything for him."

"Huh... Wow. So you go from a blue eyed Catholic to a blue eyed Atheist who hates Catholicism."

A small smile appeared on her lips. "What can I say, I got a thing for blue eyes.

"Well ya wanna hear something funny?" he asked with a slight smirk as he leaned in closer to her.

Olivia gave him a shy grin. "What?"

"I got a really big thing for brown eyes."

"You do huh?" asked Olivia as the two ex partners leaned in even closer.

Elliot nodded. " I do... Very much so," he muttered before he kissed her. It was almost like muscle memory, each one remembering, even after years apart, how the other ones kiss felt like. Olivia moaned softly as Elliot dipped his tongue into her mouth before he stood up from the chair, taking her with him as he did. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in closer as she draped her arms around his shoulders.

Elliot moved his mouth to behind her ear and gently sucked on that one particular spot he could still pin point after all these years. "Your tents empty," he whispered to her as his hands reached down and grabbed her by the ass.

Olivia took a brief moment to pull away from him and look up at him. "I don't... Elliot, I don't look the same as I did seven years ago."

His eyes couldn't help but flicker to the white scars poking up above her tank top. "Liv, I don't care about the scars."

"It's not the scars, it's... I'm fifty two years old, El and things have... kinda changed."

Elliot couldn't help but chuckle as he leaned in and kissed her again. "Guess what? I'm fifty four and things have changed where I'm concerned as well." He moved his hand up her shirt and palmed her breast making her groan, "but I'm pretty sure everything still works the same way."

Olivia took his face in her hands and kissed him, letting him lead her into her tent which was still disheveled from where she had thrown things around earlier looking for her purse. He was still kissing her as she laid him down on the air mattress but the second he did she felt something small and hard in the middle of her back.

She reached behind her and pulled out what she assumed was one of Noah s toy but instead she felt Tuckers coat he had forgotten to take with him. The thing that was sticking her back was in his main pocket so she reached in to move it and pulled out a small black velvet ring box...

Elliot had his face buried in the crook of her neck and didn't catch her wide eyed look as she stared at the box.

"Elliot..." she breathed, unable to tear her eyes away from it. "Elliot, stop. El, wait a second, stop."

He finally pulled his lips away from her skin to ask what was the matter when he saw what she was staring at and his face fell.

"That's not... He wasn't..."

Olivia could barely pay attention to his words as she opened the box with a shaking hand, her other hand covering her mouth as she saw a white band with a diamond nestled in between two smaller emeralds, the birthstone of the month that Olivia adopted Noah, connected to another white gold band that was encased in small diamonds.

Tears started to stream down her face as she looked at the ring, the ring that was supposed to be her engagement ring... Tucker wanted to marry her, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, he wanted to grow old with her... He loved her.

Elliot climbed off of her, not that she noticed, and sat down on the mattress, unable to take his eyes off of the ring. It was beautiful and elegant, just like her. He didn't look up until he heard her sniff and his heart broke when he saw the tears streaming down her face as she lightly fingered the cold metal.

"Liv," he began softly but she shook her head cutting him off.

"I gotta go," she told him as she closed the ring box and brushed past him to get out of the tent ring still in hand.

"Liv wait a second!" Elliot called as he followed her out.

"Watch Noah," she told him without looking at him, handing him his inhaler out of her purse that was still on the ground where she had left it. "He should be fine but just in case here's his-."

"Will you wait two seconds?" he said as he grabbed her wrist to stop her. She turned to look at him, her eyes still tearful.

"I have to talk to him, El," she told him in barely a whisper.

"He left."

"So did you."

His heart crumbled at her words but he continued on. "He left for a stupid reason though."

"I still have to talk to him. He was going to PROPOSE, Elliot... I can't ignore that."

"Yes you can. Look," he reached out to take the box from her and she took a step back, clutching the ring to her chest. He sighed but continued. "If he planned to propose, why did he leave? Why was he so insecure with you? IF he thinks you're gonna leave for any man who happens to show you attention-."

"He doesn't care about other men, Elliot... it's just you. You get under his skin and I can't say that I blame him. He was right. There's not enough room in my heart for two people when you're around, there never has been. You do something to me that no one else ever has or will and honestly I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad. It's not your fault or Tuckers or anyone's but my own, I accept that."

Elliot paused for a moment confused. "So what are you saying, Liv?"

"I'm saying... that I have to talk to Tucker. So will you please just watch Noah?"

Elliot sighed before he nodded. "Fine I'll watch him."

"Thank you."

She gave him a half hearted smile before she turned, climbed into the truck, and left.

 **Please Review!**


	12. Chapter 12

I own no one but my own people

A/N Yallllll omg this story is done! I'm so proud of my myself like I never finish stories lol. Thanks to everyone who stuck with it and reviewed and yall are so awesome and I lov you all and I know theres gonna be some disappointed people but just remember that I love all of you, you're all awesome and okay, I love you.

" _Breaking News, Republican Presidential Nominee Donald Trump has officially dropped out of the race just two weeks before accepting the Republican nomination for President. CNN sources say the WikiLeaks video showing Trump and several Russian prostitutes, both male and female, engaging in BDSM sex play in Vladimir Putin's bedroom was the reason behind the drop out. More on this story as it develops."_

Tucker sighed as he flipped through the channels on the small colored TV, trying to find something interesting to watch as he waited for his food to arrive. He had a cab coming to collect him at 8 AM so he could go to the train station and catch a train to Manhattan. After a week or so he would go to Olivia's apartment and ask for the stuff he had left there.

If she bothered to bring it back that is…

He just settled on a random sitcom when there was a knock on his motel door. Grabbing his wallet, he got off the bed and went to the door, freezing when he saw who was on the other side. He took a deep breath before he opened the door.

"Liv, I don't really-," but his words were cut off when she held up the box with the ring he had worked countless overtime hours to afford and even then, he was living off ramen noodles for a week when he actually made the purchase.

Tucker swallowed hard as he looked from the ring back up at her, shocked that her eyes held tears. "Where'd you find it?" he asked, his voice scratchy like he was holding back his own emotions.

"I laid down to go to sleep," she lied, thinking that telling him she had found it while she was moments away from having sex wasn't the best idea. "I had tossed things around earlier looking for Noah's inhaler and your coat-."

"Noah's inhaler?" he interrupted. "Why what happened, did he have an attack?" asked Tucker, his voice laced with fear and concern.

"He did but he's okay now, I'm taking him to his pediatrician tomorrow."

He visibly relaxed before trying to look around her. "Where is he, you didn't leave him in the truck did you?"

"No, he um… El- Elliot is watching him."

Tuckers face fell again. "Oh… okay."

"He was sleeping, I didn't wanna wake him to come," she explained. "Besides I figured you and me needed to talk in private."

"Yeah… Yeah you're probably right about that. Come in," he told her, moving out of the way as he did so.

Olivia walked into the motel and watched as Tucker sat down on the edge of the desk and crossed his arms over his broad chest. "So… Do you like it?"

"Like what?"

He nodded towards the ring in her hand and Olivia looked down at it. "Of course. It's beautiful, Ed. When were… when were you going to…?"

"On the fourth of July," he explained. There's a firework show on the lake, you can see them perfectly from our site. After the last one popped I was going to get on my knee and you would look over, Noah in your lap, and I would have the ring in my hand..."

Tears gathered in Olivia's eyes as Tucker explained how he planned to propose. It sounded so perfect, so beautiful… It would have been her dream proposal.

"That's..." She had to clear her throat before she continued but even then, it was scratchy and she could barely make it above a whisper. "It sounds perfect."

Tucker just shrugged as he looked down at the ground. "It's… Whatever."

"No, Ed, it's not 'whatever'. That proposal would have been beautiful."

"Why are you here, Liv?" Tucker asked. "I told you, I'm not interested in being someone's second choice."

"Ed," she began with a sigh but he shook his head.

"You can keep the ring," he told her as he got off the desk, unable to stand the look of hurt on her face. "It was supposed to be yours anyway."

"Will you please stop?" she begged as he brushed past her to open the door. "Ed!"

When he ignored her, she stormed up to him and slammed the door shut, almost taking out two of his fingers in the process, angry tears brewing in her eyes. "Will you listen to me for two goddamn seconds!?" she yelled at him, giving him a firm shove for good measure.

"Calm down now," he told her using a tone she hadn't heard from him since the last time he interrogated her.

"No!" she shouted, stunning the former IAB agent. "You are going to sit down, shut up, and listen to me! You don't get to decide we're over because you're jealous over an ex-boyfriend!"

Tucker let out a humorless laugh. "Jealously? Okay. If you think that's what this is about then you really don't understand anything."

Olivia stood in front of him and crossed her arms. "Really? Then what would you call running away from me and Noah because I loved someone else several years ago?"

"You still love him, Liv," he argued. "I know you do. When he's not around you love me, you forget about him. But when he's near you? Nothing else matters. Okay what if- what if ten years down the road you and I are married, we're retired, and you meet up with him at some benefit... I don't want to hope every day that you never run into him again! I deserve better than that!"

"Okay ya know what?!" she yelled throwing her hands up in dismay. "Fine! You want the truth?! I love him! I love Elliot Joseph Stabler, I have loved him for many years! He was the first man that I would ever truly die for and I was ENGAGED to someone else before him! The kind of love me and him had is other fucking worldly!"

Tucker blinked back tears at her confession. He took a step back from her and shrugged. "There ya go. You love him, so be with him. He's single, you're single…"

"I am not finished yet," she spat, a fire in her brown eyes that Tucker had never seen before. "I love you too, Ed. What we have is real, it's solid, it is a true, genuine kind of love. I know what it's like to be second place. Half the times we had sex he didn't even get me off but I didn't care, I just wanted to be near him.

Afterwards he would talk about his wife and how he wanted to be back together with her… he asked me for advice when we were lying in bed and I could still feel him inside of me… Then he cast me away like I was nothing the second Kathy wanted him back. He got the call from her while he was feeling me up on my couch."

The tears had returned in full force at her memories and there was nothing she could do to stop them. Tuckers anger melted at the pitiful sight and he wanted nothing more than to make her feel better, the same thing he wanted to do the first time he laid eyes on her at the hospital after her first encounter with Lewis…

"THAT is second place," she continued, not bothering to wipe her eyes. "That is what it's like to be someone's backup. To feel like total shit, to know that person could never return the love you have for them but you hope and pray with all your might they will someday even when you now there's no chance. Have I EVER made you feel like that, even in the last few days?"

When he didn't answer, Olivia walked up to him and took his face in her hands, making him look directly into her eyes. "You are not my second place, Ed Johnathon Tucker…" she whispered low enough so he could barely hear. "You don't fight for your second place… You're tied for first..."

Without waiting for a response, she leaned in and kissed him. Softly at first but then she increased her intensity, only stopping when she realized he wasn't returning the kiss. She pulled away and searched his eyes for an explanation.

"That doesn't make me feel better, Liv," he told her but not unkindly. "I want to be your only number one, I don't wanna share the spotlight with a guy who made you feel that terrible about yourself. It's not right."

"Ed, please," she begged. "Don't do this."

"You deserve someone who makes you feel like there's no room left in your heart for anyone else, even Elliot."

"I deserve you," she begged, her bottom lip trembling.

He pushed a piece of hair from her face. "I love you, and I know you love me too. But I can't be with someone who thinks a tie is the same thing as winning."

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, lingering far longer than he should have before he pulled away and walked to the door again. "I meant what I said… About the ring." A smile that didn't reach his blue eyes appeared. "I want you to have it."

Olivia let out a cry before covering her mouth with her hand. Unable to even look at him she walked out of the motel room.

"Take care of yourself, Olivia Margaret Benson… You deserve happiness more than anyone else I've ever known," Tucker told her, meaning the words with every single fiber of his being.

Olivia couldn't look as he shut the door behind her.

The ride back took twice as long as it had when she drove to the motel. Every few minutes she had to pull over because the tears would just overwhelm her entirely to the point it made driving dangerous.

Eventually she made it back to the campsite, the ring firmly in her pocket, and she narrowed her eyes in confusion at the additional car parked in Elliot's site.

She packed her truck and got out, only taking a few steps before she stopped dead, unable to comprehend what she was seeing in front of her.

Kathy Stabler sitting in a chair beside Elliot, the two talking and laughing while his hand held hers.

Elliot was the first to notice Olivia and his face fell as he stood up. He said something to Kathy before he walked over to where she was standing and it took everything in Olivia not to slap him again.

"What is she doing here?" asked Olivia, her voice stuffed with tears.

Elliot looked back at Kathy for a moment before he turned back to Olivia. "She wanted to spend the fourth of July with her son," he told her, failing to hide a slight blush that had taken over his face.

"Really? Just Eli? Then where's her tent?"

Elliot opened his mouth to argue but quickly closed it again. "Liv, I-."

"Olivia?"

Both Elliot and Olivia turned and saw Kathy get up from her chair and walk over to them, the same forced smile the blonde had always worn when she had to deal with Elliot's ex-partner.

She looked roughly the same as she did when Olivia last saw her. Still a slim trim size 4 with shoulder length straight blonde hair, although there were a few wispy strands of gray mixed in, and her face had a few wrinkles but nevertheless she was still the same old Kathy and was still the exact opposite of everything Olivia was.

Olivia had never been more self-conscious about the scars Lewis had given her or her looks then she was right then…

"Hey, Kathy," Olivia greeted as the two women embraced in an awkward hug, forcing the tears from her voice. "It's been a long time."

"Yes, what has it been, five years?"

"Six actually," Olivia corrected as they broke apart.

"Wow… I mean you still look stunning and your son is adorable. I moved him back in your tent, I hope that's okay, I just figured it'd be loud and crowded with me moving my stuff in, I didn't wanna wake him."

"Yeah no, perfectly fine. Thank you. You look fantastic too and Eli is a really sweet boy."

The two women stood in an awkward silence before Kathy cleared her throat. "So, Elliot tells me you now run SVU?"

"Uh yes, I'm a Lieutenant."

"That's really great, Liv… I always knew you'd be in charge one day."

Olivia just smiled but didn't offer anything back. After another uncomfortable moment between the three of them Kathy turned towards Elliot. "I'm going to get my things and put them in the tent alright?"

"Gimme a second I'll get them for you," Elliot offered.

"It's fine, El." She turned towards Olivia and let out a short laugh. "Always wanting to do everything, this one…" Without waiting for a response, she leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she headed towards the car.

Olivia looked at Elliot for a moment, the tears welling in her eyes. "You never told me if you were still married," she told him, the realization that not once these entire last few days did he say rather or not he was divorced or not.

"It… It's complicated Liv."

"Yes or no," she told him, unable to keep the emotion out of her voice. "Are. You. Married?"

"We're… We're separated, but we've been talking and we-."

Olivia held up a hand to silence him. "Ya know what? Save it. I'm really not interested in hearing about how you choose her, a woman who left you," she emphasized, "over me again after we almost had sex and after my boyfriend broke up with me over you."

Elliot's eyes went wide. "What? Liv I didn't…"

"Like I said, save it." She let out a humorless chuckle. "I'm your second place. I'm your backup, I always have been. I don't know, maybe this serves me right, having to deal with seeing the two of you in love and happy."

"Backup? What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," she spat. "I will never, ever come first to you, and it was stupid to think that I ever could… Tucker was the only person to ever put me first and I treated him like trash. For you." She shook her head and let out another sad chuckle. "Enjoy your life, Elliot Stabler. Who knows, maybe we'll see each other in another six years."

"Olivia wait!" but she had already turned and headed back to her site.

She opened her tent and saw Noah curled up on the air mattress with a blanket over him, his breathing wheezy as it normally was after an attack but nothing to be alarmed at. Olivia shut the tent and laid down under the blanket with him.

The tears started flowing and there was nothing else she could do to stop them and soon those lonely tears turned into sobs.

Noah half opened one eye and turned to face her, awoken by the sounds his mother was making. "Mama?"

Olivia forced herself to stop sobbing and quickly wiped her eyes. "Wha- what do you need, my love?"

"Why you cry?" he asked.

"Mama… Mamas just a little sad right now. I screwed a lot of things up."

The small boy frowned at his mother's words. He grabbed the wooden dog that had been purchased for him what seemed like forever ago and held it out to her. "Feel better?"

Olivia laughed as she took the dog and kissed it, putting it on the pillow next to her head. "I do. Thank you, sweet boy."

After a moment of silence Noah spoke again. "Where Ed, Mama?"

Olivia closed her eyes as more tears leaked out. "Ed… Ed, left, baby."

"He come back?"

She shook her head. "No. It's… It's just us again."

"Oh…" Noah pursed his lips for a moment. "Good."

"Good? Why good?"

"Cause now I don't have share cookies."

Olivia laughed as long and as hard as she had this entire trip. She gathered Noah in her arms and kissed the top of his head, unable to help the smile that grew on her lips. "I love you so much, my sweet boy. So so much."

"Love you too, Mama."

Olivia kissed the top of his head and laid down on the air mattress and, with her son in her arms and the sounds of Elliot and Kathy talking outside, soon fell asleep.

The sun had just started to show itself when she awoke the next morning. Olivia grabbed the sleeping gear sans the blanket and pillow Noah was still using and put them in the cab of the truck along with the lawn chairs.

Everything else had been packed the night before so all she had left was to put a still sleeping Noah in his booster sear along with his bag of toys, deflate the air mattress and disassemble the tent.

By the time that was done it was just past seven AM and she knew she had to get going soon or she would never get to the appointment in time.

She took one last look at the camping site, the site where she was supposed to remember the rest of her life as her engagement spot, and climbed in the truck. The engine roared to life just as Kathy emerged from their tent wearing nothing but Elliot's shirt and a pair of her boy shorts.

Olivia shook her head and, with the only person who would always be her first choice, she started her long drive back to the city...

 **The End**


End file.
